Sira-sira store: Panacea for our utter mess

WHAT do you do, to borrow from American Idol’s Simon Cowell, when you become “a complete and utter mess”?

Do you feel useless? Are you heartbroken? Have you made one mistake too many?

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Think of poor, aspiring singing Idol Lacey Brown taking in all the insults—ah, correction, it’s constructive criticisms, my dear—from the Idol judges during the girls’ night on stage.

Green acid dripped from Simon’s derisive comment about Lacey’s karaoke-like performance of Landslide.

“I kept looking for the words on the screen,” the acerbic Simon stabbed at the redhead singer. Is that canned laughter you hear?

Haeley Vaughn did not snicker (but her perma-smile was on) one bit when it was her turn at the dartboard.

Her version of The Climb didn’t get her any higher in the judges’ esteem than Randy Jackson’s summary of her performance as “excruciating.”

How do you stand it when you hear words, like it “wasn’t a winning performance,” huh, Katie Stevens?

Her rendition of Put Your Records On put off some of the judges. Ellen DeGeneres told Katie: “I don’t want to hear you sing something I’d hear in my dentist’s office.”

Ouch! Be careful with that drill. Well, this sure makes us forget our real woes brought about by poverty, broken promises, weak brains, poor eyesight—name it, there has to be one cause to the complete and utter mess we are in.

As long as we are not “screeching” and “all over the place” (classic lines from Simon), there is hope. But poor singer Didi Benami, this is all at your expense, girl.

We have to find something or someone to lean on (the title of Didi’s song was Lean On Me, what a coincidence). But how can you if, like what critic Kara DioGuardi said, “it wasn’t good. It really wasn’t good”?

That reference to Didi’s performance might be ours as well in the arena of real life.

It is all heartache, whether you lost in the presidential election, botched the chance at stardom, can’t find your pet, lost the girl, failed in school, messed up your job, didn’t win in the lotto—it all pertains to how the heart reacts to a negative stimulus.

We could have told all the Idol-wannabes and all other people who have heartache that there is one standby panacea they can grab.

When the pain hits you in your solar plexus, forcing you to look for a quick fix, grab the non-prescription panacea: chocolates.

You can count on chocolates to be your best buddy in a pinch.

Why is this food, technically unexciting because of its dull color, such a popular heart-salve? Let us count the ways.

They are more fun than paracetamol or hospitalization—unless the nurses are comely and the visitors keep giving you chocolates.

The sweet is said to have an aphrodisiac effect on our sluggish system down there.

Chocolates are good for the heart according to some studies. We hinge our hope on the word “some studies,” no matter how vague the proof.

Hands-down, we love chocolates because of the taste. The smoothness covers our esophagus and makes us forget we are weak. The richness makes us think of good things, too.

Chocolate as beverage (hot or cold), candy, pastry, and food enhancer can give us instant energy. Try it when you feel fatigued. One bite and you are restored, body and soul.

We cease believing in ourselves when we get covered with a landslide of mistakes. However, we can lean on what Idol judge Kara said to one of the performers. It is her favorite adjective this season: believe.

Yes, as we consume our second pouch of chocolate Kisses, let us remember to believe in ourselves. For the record, no one else will.