Neil Christian Baring
IF I HAD my way with Kelly Clarkson's single Sober, I would alter a lyric or two and then make it my life's theme song. I will modify the original song which goes this way…
Three months and I'm still standing hereThree months and I'm getting better yeahThree months yeah, three months are
hardThree months and I'm still breathingThree months and I still remember itThree months I wake upto…
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Three months and I'm still sleeping hereThree months and I'm getting worse oh yeahThree months yeah, three months are hardThree months and I'm still sluggingThree months and I still remember itThree months I wake up…A BUM!
Yes, True enough. I have spent the last three months being unproductive even after having made every attempt to be useful and beneficial. I admit though with sheer pride that I have failed in all of these said attempts. But failure has made me happy; really, truly, tremendously happy! (Please imagine me flicker a smile) Does sarcasm work for me?
Honestly speaking (needless to say, "honestly writing" would have be more appropriate), failure has made everything seem rather impossible, and frankly it's putting me in a state of gloomy desperation. Because of it, I have been desperate for work, desperate for a position, desperate for an income, desperate for life's meaning.
I feel infertile!
(That's an analogy for those who don't get it. I'm not being literal here).
Sadly though, I have to continue to accept my miserable condition and wait for a non-parallel opportunity since I can't go back to a place that I have already gone. There's a reason why ladders have steps. I understand that it pays to wait, but my blood doesn't carry oxygen, it heaves impatience.
On the contrary, I am aware that I can gripe all I want, and no one will care. That I can grumble endlessly and yet nothing will change. That everything will remain as is. That I will remain as is. Fruitless. Futile. Unpromising.
I'll put this awareness to good use and refuse to become any of the mentioned traits. This reminds me of a certain TV character who once told me indirectly that "desperation needs action".
Well, I will align myself on that direction and give myself an ultimatum to succeed. I will have to haul myself from my dreary position. And when that day of triumph arrives I will award myself a certain present…a new theme song.
Perhaps, A Moment Like This?
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