Pami Therese Estalilla
You look out the window, and it’s happening again. The sky is falling, the cracks in the ground are getting bigger and bigger, the dead are walking the earth.
All the things you’ve seen in a hundred Apocalypse movies that usually seem to begin somewhere in the United States (whenever Hollywood has its way) are materializing outside your bedroom window.
“The End is Near” was last week’s news.
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So, what do you do about it? The usual stuff, depending who you are:
1) Religious types- Take last-minute measures for the salvation of your soul.
2) The incurably anal- Cram everything on your to-do list in the next twelve minutes.
3) Sentimental types- Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, *sniff*, etc.
4) Opportunists- Ransack places and steal goods because -hurrah!- the law no longer applies.
5) Me- Rummage through your wardrobe for an appropriately apocalyptic outfit.
What NOT to do, however, matters. I took the liberty of asking around, and my friends came up with some really sensible answers.
Don’t run outside with your video phone (or digital camera) to get the awesome things happening in the sky on YouTube. You don’t have to tweet about it or change your Facebook status either, since most other people will have noticed, anyway.
For goodness’ sakes, don’t stand in line to pay your bills. Would it really matter if they cut off your electricity? Also, it’s a pretty boring thing to do while the world collapses around you.
Don’t try and appeal to all of the gods of different religions.
You might be suddenly overcome with panic- devoted as you’ve been to a particular God, what if you’re wrong?
So you hurriedly look for relics or amulets for all the major religions and start a praying frenzy. Seriously, any self-respecting deity won’t be fooled. It’s too late.
If you must, stick to one and hope you’re right.
Please don’t, and this is important, DON’T play “Plants vs. Zombies”. This is an event of global importance and it will slip past your notice if you even start. And you’ll walk around on an empty planet or somewhere in the afterlife, feeling like a complete doofus while all your dead friends discuss current events excitedly.
For the same reason, don’t go on a heavy drinking spree the night before. (I have a friend whose grandma woke up one day, hung over, completely baffled to find Pearl Harbour gone.)
It’s also not the time to practice your photography skills and tag all your friends.
They’ll either be too busy dodging falling chunks of world or renegade zombies, and won’t care. Or they’ll have been playing Plants vs. Zombies, oblivious to the Apocalypse, and think you’re really clever at Photoshop.
Do not be persuaded to join a networking group. I know it’s all the rage these days, but you certainly don’t have much time to recruit now, have you?
No matter how obsessive-compulsive you are, this is not the time for general cleaning. There’ll probably be debris everywhere, and you’ll just make yourself madder, trying to sweep up all the dust. LEAVE it, for once.
I’ve noticed that opportunists have the tendency, whenever there’s a Good vs. Evil battle going on, to side with whoever they think is winning (which, at the beginning, usually applies to the Other Side), hoping for a great reward. Usually, as I’ve also noted, they are eventually crushed by their megalomaniac bosses, out of irritation or boredom. Hey, there’s a reason they’re called “The Bad Guys”. They’re just a little more corrupt than everybody else.
Of course, the day might end and you’ll find out it’s all been a false alarm. Which would make you feel rather silly, but there’s always merit in the adage, “Live each day as if it were your last.”
In this case, however, you might want to run and pay your bills.
