NORTH KOREAN psycho Kim Jong-Il may be bluffing, but the US and its allies know there's good reason to be scared.

This guy is boss of the fourth largest military in the world. He can order 1.4 million brainwashed soldiers to attack South Korea the minute he goes nuts.

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And what better way to show the world that he is. Over the past months, he's successfully test-fired ballistic missiles and detonated underground bombs with reckless abandon.

Kim's missiles are no patsies, though most of them fly like substandard Bulacan-made pyros, you know, the ones that go swooshing without no definite direction.

This is what gets Bo (Barack Obama, not the White House dog) and his allies.

This flexing of muscle makes them feel like idiots, and this bully with the pompadour feels good when Bo is incensed with him and his deadly toys.

Kim is a crazy little rascal. He does this thing with his fingers on his ears to Bo and his pals and goes, "Bleh, bleh, bleh!@@#!"

Like a kid who lost his baseball cap to a mugger, all Bo could do is run to the UN for help. He doesn't have a choice, does he?

Bo may not be like former White House tenants John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, or both Bush senior and son who all had war in their resumes, but Bo is POTUS, the most powerful man in the planet, and he can also play rough.

Meanwhile, his Pentagon boys have their eyes glued on the radar 24/7, just in case Kim wrongfully presses a nuclear missile button, instead of his DVD player.

Bo is like a pitbull itching to sink his teeth into Kim's grubby little butt. If not for the UN blocking the way, he's toast. At least, this is what most peace-loving soul that is fed up with his vicious rhetoric think.

Tensions are high, and if ever war breaks out, and for sure Kim will say Bo hit him first -- South Korea will have the first black eye.

South Korea and Kim are still technically at war. They've only agreed for timeout, catch up on sleep, eat, reload, and there they are.

But, South Korea doesn't want another showdown with his next-door neighbor, because:

First, he can't afford to lose another million lives, when he fought Kim's dad -- the equally insane Kim Il-Sung -- back in the 50s.

Second, he can't feed and treat millions of Kim's people when they come rushing to South Korea's soil, much less bury them, if things get out of hand.

Third, he's civilized enough to ever stoop down to Kim's level.

Kim knows his cards, but he's a chicken who:

- Knows that the loss of a million fleeing North Koreans would cripple his brittle nation's economy;

- Can't afford to lose his 20,000-plus DVD collections and 17 surface-to-air missile-fortified palaces and mansions;

- Knows that only his generals and personal hair-stylist buy whatever he says;

Whopping Kim's behind is not easy, and Bo knows he is not alone.

Will Bo stick his tail between his legs when China or Russia - Kim's buddies - give him the finger and tell him to back off?

Or, will these two superpowers even care if Bo's Stealth bombers and Tomahawks start shaving his pompadour?

This barely-five-foot bundle of dynamite who's afraid of flying, and whose own publicists must already be sick making up his four holes-in-one in one round of golf (odds 1 in 5,000) story, is a masterpiece unlike any modern art has ever seen.

Tiger Woods may have found his match, but for sure the North Korean superstar, who goes gaga over Michael Jordan, James Bond and Godzilla, meant approaching Scuds and not golf balls when the Tiger fanatic shouts "Fore!" on sunny days.

Kim's explosiveness has put him in the hotseat of infamy, something he relishes deeply, especially in the curtain call of a famished nation trapped in the delusions of grandeur and power.

The US has yet to recover from the hangover that is Iraq and Afghanistan, not to mention an economy going haywire, and the last thing Americans need is another war -- Bo's baptism of fire.

Kim is a dangerous man because that's what he thinks he is and how he wants it to be.

Otherwise, he's a cool dude hobnobbing with the western world's who's who, talking business or Hollywood, if not sipping champagne with our own Ate Glo without her ever having to worry about her hair and how petite she would look.