Pinoy rules in watching Les Mis

OKAY, I have long been waiting for this film. So please do not make a pest of yourself when you watch this movie. And just to make sure what nuisance is, please read carefully. No, this is not copied from those rules pasted on Facebook but there are some similarities for obvious reasons. I shall list down the rules, some will be in English, others in Visayan and in Tagalog. Here are the rules when watching Les Mis.

1) Ayaw ug kanta. - I am not watching this to listen to your singing. I am here to watch the actors sing. If you want to sing, do not sit beside me, better still do not watch the movie. Sing somewhere else. Most of the songs in Les Mis are difficult songs and only trained professionals can do them well. So please, have mercy on us.

2) Turn your cell phone off. - That is not only true for this movie, but for all movies. What kind of idiot would not turn his or her phone off when watching a movie. Or at least mute the damn phone. I do not care to hear or know what you will be having for dinner or where you bought your new blouse. Or worse the status of your love life. I came here to watch the musical. And please, this is not the right time to brag your downloaded "You Hear The People Sing" ring tone.

3) Huwag Kumain na maiingay na pagkain. Better still huwag kumain ng anything. - Do not dare eat chicharon or fish crakers while watching. Worse do not combine rules 1 and 3, eating while singing. You might gag. As I said, the songs are by themselves difficult. It will be impossible to sing AND eat while doing "I Dreamed a Dream." You are not Anne Hathaway. Never will be.

4) Come on Time. - It is very annoying to be asked to move in the middle of "Bring Him Home." It becomes worse when you are holding a bag of popcorn and humming and at the same time saying: excuse me, excuse me.

5) Ayaw ug Hilak pero kung di ka ka pugong, ayaw ug tyabaw. - I understand you might get carried away but please be civil about it. Do not cry out loud. Do not sneeze or worse blow your nose. Do not bawl or whimper. BE QUIET and just feel your tears fall on your popcorn and your chicharon.

6) Do not say - "Ang next part talaga ang favorite ko." - SHUT UP! All of us have favorite parts and songs and we really do not need to hear what your favorite part or song is. In truth all parts and all songs have to be taken as a whole and therefore must all be considered as integral parts. The whole is the end result of its sum. Or something like that.

7) Do not ask your neighbor what just happened. - For one thing he might be as clueless as you are. If he is not he might just whack you for disturbing his experience. This is a musical, there is minimum dialogue. I think most of the people who will be watching are familiar with the plot. If you are not spare us please. Read the synopsis. Surf the internet I am sure you will find summaries of Les Mis.

8) Do not look around. - Just because you do not get it does not mean others cannot. Do not be nosy and count the number of people crying and humming softly. Do not use a flashlight to find out who are crying because I will be one of them and I will probably hit you with my flashlight too!

9) Do not utter words like "wow," "amazing," "spectacular,"
"beyond words,"etc. - Words have a tendency to shatter or demean the whole experience. If you are overwhelmed, be overwhelmed in silence. If you find it moving, be moved in a quiet way. We will all have different experiences and emotions about this whole film. I will respect yours, respect mine.

10) Finally, when the end credits come up, do not leave right away if possible. - Soak it all in. Bathe in it. Get lost in it. And yes, do not read the credits out loud. Some of us will still be reeling from the experience and the last thing we need is some person reading the credits out loud. AND YES, DO NOT SING!

See you at the movies! Or we better not.