PEOPLE can hurt us whether intentionally or not. Even the nicest of them, those you least expect to hurt you can also make you feel bad. Or even we can act so wrongly to others and yet it is so hard for us to apologize. We just don’t know how to begin to take action to make amends.
Apologizing serves a lot of benefits.
It is a form of accepting that we are wrong and we know that we have hurt others’ feelings. It is also an action to show that we are concerned of how they feel and we want to make up for our mistakes. And lastly, it helps to prevent lasting ill feelings and further impediments.
But how do we really say sorry appropriately?
Say sorry when we mean it and express remorse. Our words should be sincere and genuine, coming from our hearts. We need to tell the person why we are apologizing and our intention should not be selfishly for our own benefit. We have to say sorry because we would want to both free ourselves and the other person from the imprisonment of anger and pain. We say sorry because we want to restore the relationship.
Do not delay apologizing. It is difficult to say sorry especially that if we feel that the person does not deserve our apology. And this happens most of the times when the level of anger is too high. But we also have to understand that we need to do it as soon as we realized that we have hurt someone, but not that too late because prolonging it might cause further pain and conflict to the other person. Worse, is when we get to say sorry when the person has already passed away.
Accept that we are wrong. It is true that sometimes it is so hard to admit that we are wrong especially if we did an act out of the other persons act too. We rationalize our acts by thinking that if the person was kind enough, then we could have been better to them. But we should learn to be responsible to admit our wrong actions. Because if we give excuses, we remain to justify our wrongs and it only meant that we still think that we are right.
Do not give false promises. Sometimes, we try to promise not to do the wrong act again. It becomes like an immediate word we can say to a person who is deeply hurt by us. But we have to remember that in this world, hurting others can happen without intentions at all. And so, even if we promised not do it once more, there are still chances we can still hurt them with the same mistake over and over again. Maybe it would be better to say “I will try not to ever do it again”.
I must say that forgiving is not that easy, but unforgiving I guess is harder. Because when we say sorry, our hearts are free and it feels more comfortable to breathe the fragrance of air but for those who cannot forgive, they remain to live a life full of sorrows because they allow themselves to be imprisoned of the dark lenses of anger and pain.
And for those who forgive and cannot be forgiven - let God deal with their hard hearts, and do not hate or condemn them because it will consume you too. Continue to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you at all times.
Published in the SunStar Davao newspaper on December 12, 2017.
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