Covington: Turtles plural

Monday, February 6, 2012

"BLACKLIST them!" cried the mayor.

"It's an insult to the people of Davao City!" thundered a DENR Regional Executive Director.

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"More ink!" shrieked the press, determined to milk the issue for all its worth.

The "they" are a bunch of foreign missionaries who, because of their good works in another land, had the misfortune to be presented with a slaughtered turtle, the traditional thanksgiving custom in that far off land. The foreigners, sailing the vast Pacific Ocean, gradually ate the turtle, storing the inedible bits in the ship's freezer until they could be properly disposed of.

The opportunity arrived when the vessel docked at Davao's Sta. Ana Pier, the inedible parts of the turtle being placed in a city "biodegradable" wheely bin no doubt between the ordained hours of 6 and 9 post meridiem.

So far, so good, but wait -- lurking in the shadows, probably replete with their dynamited fish supper, huddled a group of "environmentally concerned citizens" who, sensing the opportunity of a quick buck, hailed a passing TV crew.

The rest you know. Everybody and his dog waded into the evil foreigners (No relation to the evil foreign mining companies) who didn't have the sense to toss the turtle remains over the ship's side -- the side facing away from the dock. But they'll know next time. If they're allowed back. By a city which is quick to kick foreign ass for a maybe misdemeanor but which does precious little to stop its seaside shanty communities from dumping their plastic garbage directly into the ocean. Plastic garbage which chokes to death turtles. Turtles plural.

(It's also interesting to note that the dismembered body found at a local rubbish tip not so long ago received far less media attention -- but then people are not a protected species in the Philippines are they?)

Changing the pace and who remembers Mad magazine and its offbeat humor? One of the Sun.Star's scribblers wrote of a guy 'on the horns of a dilemma' and instantly I was transported back to the wonderful world of Mad cartoonists and one in particular who transformed a phrase -- creating suitably bizarre monsters -- into an illustration. "On the horns" was a favorite showing a guy being tossed and trampled by particularly lumpy creature -- a sort of animated bolster pillow sprouting wobbly horns.

"Going through a purple patch", "Caught by the short and curlies", "On the heels of a moment". Wonderful cartoons. I wonder if they're out there somewhere in cyberspace?

Lastly and "Cannot play media. You do not have the correct version of the flash player."

I hate that.