That very first feeling

AFRAID? Yes, I am. Anxious? A little bit. Happy? Of course. Those are the feelings. But more of it? Excitement is the first. I remember something that really made me quit and leave writing.

I was a feature writer in our school paper way back in elementary. For one grading period, I have not written anything interesting except for one not-so-good poem. I have already finished the first two stanzas and had started two lines for the third. It was a Wednesday and my mentor, who is now maybe in heaven, was really pushing me to finish that poem. She said it was really good. Her exact words were "young and delightful".

But then two more lines were needed to finish that poem.

For four years as a feature writer in the campus paper, it was the very first time that I cannot finish a poem or even make it up. Friday came and it was our deadline. How was I supposed to face her? That big, glowing red eyes, scary voice and very stunning personality.

And there she came, entering our room. She called me. Actually, scolded me. I cried. I cried so hard. If she just knew why I can?t, why I did not. I let it go and kept it inside.

After a week our school paper was published. I saw my name, my poem. She added two lines in it. She finished it.

Five years later she died. When I found out I cried. I cried because I lost a very good mentor and a very intelligent person. I cannot forget what she kept saying in our English class, "The very first thing you do when you will write something is always to check your feelings. Reflect on it and write it. For then you will be able to come up with a very good output."

And now I am writing again on how I feel in the first session of our news writing class. I hope this is the start of something good. (Lovely Mae Prieto)

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Lovely is a third year BSED-English student of Ateneo de Davao University.