A thing about changes

IT’S actually Monday. Yes. I woke up early and rather uncomfortably, but no worries really. I’m usually like this when something major is up. So, tomorrow (Tuesday), I am due for an actually already much overdue eye surgery. I’ve been trying to put it off since May last year because I am scared. Yup. Scared silly. And I am finding it funny now because I have been saying to friends and family that I am scared because we only have two eyes! Why weren’t we given three sets of eyes so I wouldn’t be so freakin’ frightened! These are the times when I wish I was an alien. Hehe.

Anyway, I’ve been able to put a hold on it for almost a year because of my health. I was too sick with whatever bacteria or virus decided to take a vacay on my body and wreak havoc on my immune system that I was simply not a good surgical candidate. The medical roller coaster sort of served both good and really bad advantages to me. I welcomed it with all my might mainly because I felt it was my fate and it was largely my fault too. But things started to get better and so I was able to rise from all my health issues which at this point, I am happy to report, is the best bill of health that I have been EVER. It still is a struggle with the arthritis and the back spasms but hey, without the diabetes and hypertension, I can hardly complain! The bariatric surgery did wonders for me and I am thankful that I had gotten brave enough and psychologically prepared to undergo it.

Just imagine my medical history. Asthmatic, diabetic with diabetic retinopathy (eye condition associated with diabetes), impending diabetic nephropathy (diabetic kidney disease), morbidly obese, colon cancer stage 3a (but now in remission for 5 years, yey!). I was more sick than well in 2012! I’ve missed too many working days! There were months when I could not walk at all! When things started looking up and I found myself slowly getting better, I was sort of hoping that my eye condition would somehow reverse (like my diabetes and hypertension, so far) and then, no surgery would be needed.

But that was not so.

And so now I concede. Surgery it is. Fine. Hokaaay. :/

There really are times in our lives when we have to give in. Most of the time, we known for quite some time that it is for our own good but we are defeated by feeling of fear and doubt.

I sooo get that because that’s what I’ve been doing. But you know what? You actually know when you have to give in because it is simply the best option for you at that given moment and it would be totally unwise to ignore it. I have been talking about stepping out of your comfort zone for quite some time now and I believe that in one’s life, we are bound to face these predicaments several times. Sometimes we do them by choice and yet there will be times when we feel that we have to do it because there is no other recourse but to do so. Whatever the case, when deep inside you feel that the ‘time’ has come, face it! Be brave!

February 10, 2013

Surgery done and over with. It is now Friday and I’ve been back home since Wednesday. I’ve been apprehensive about my surgery for months but I had to let go of the fear and just take a leap of faith! Deep inside I knew it was good for me and I stand a better chance at saving my sight by getting it done. The surgery happened without a hitch! Whew!

Now comes convalescence...

Of course, any major changes your body comes with discomfort. Sometimes you suffer a little (or a lot!) but you have to remember that things will get better with time. Like the intense stinging that comes from my eyedrops! Oh hell, they sting so bad that I cringe everytime I realize that I need to apply them. Yet, I continued treatment, eyedrops every two hours during waking hours and even when I wake up for whatever reason in the wee hours of the morning! This repetitive, rather masochistic activity always came with a shudder and mild expletives… Sure, wounds are raw and they will tend to be painful for some time, but at one point, it will all dissipate, a good sign that my condition was getting better and that I am on my way to full recovery.

Well, it’s like how we live our lives. We steer through our life’s highways, facing some things head on while evading it or ignoring others. Usually when we do this, it’s because of doubt, fear or complete disregard. We also have the tendency to be too caught up with other issues like making something of ourselves that we neglect other areas of our lives like health, family, spiritual balance that make life better for us. We are often too involved preparing for the future that we forget that the present is what matters.

Until something takes a bite out of you and messes up your life. Well, if this happens or has happened to you already, I sure do hope that the payoff wasn’t too grim. I really pray that you had a chance to make up for it, or that you managed to recover from the blow.

The thing is, you could prevent it from happening by being mindful of things and by listening to what that inner voice has been nagging you for ages! Don’t keep pushing your luck because when push comes to shove, you might find yourself at the receiving end of life’s hard blows! It does pay to have faith and to be brave enough to take action to achieve a better life. Just be patient with the ills and pains that may come with critical transition and you will wake up one morning metamorphosed into someone better! By then, you may also have learned a new thing or two about yourself, the people who love and surround you, about life.

Happy Sunday Everyone! :)