HOW do we find a loving home?

How do we light up our homes with dynamic love choices?
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Answering this query stirs us to walk on a journey of a thousand steps. Exploring the wisdom path, I, fortuitously, found this beautiful book. It was written by the prominent Dr. Gary Chapman entitled "The Five Languages of Love."

Oozing with inspiration, Dr. Chapman zooms in the theme of loving choices through these means:

1. praise
2. quality service
3. service
4. touch
5. gifts

He expertly discusses the love language, which enhances our connections based on his 30 or more years of marriage counseling. Dr. Chapman believes you and I can learn to fill up the love tank of our spouse, mate and/or partner.

Together, let us walk on the footway leading to the house of love.

Praise

The welcome sign on its door reveals the first love language - PRAISE.

In a devoted relationship, two persons who respect, esteem, and honor each other constantly give words of appreciation, approval and affirmation to their partners. Take the case of Joe and Sandra who have been married for fifteen years. When Dr. Chapman interviewed them, he asked Joe what he valued in their union. Joe stroked his chin, cleared his throat and spoke of Sandy's loving expressions which are as follows:

"You are a good husband, Joe. You take good care of me and our four kids. You are my source of inspiration."

This praise language from Sandy echoed like a musical song titled "Love Story" in their home. Joe felt his self-esteem and confidence rising up. Thereto, he experienced his love tank being supplied with oxygen via these supportive statements.

Yes, praise him or her and keep on filling up your beloved ears with positivism. This is the best way to keep 'doctor separation' away from our doors!

Quality time

Now as we enter the sala in this house of love, we hear this conversation about quality time. It is now Sandy, wife of Joe, who speaks about her yearning.

"Quality time is what I expect Joe to give me."

Early in our marriage, we experienced difficulties adjusting to each other. Then I told him about my wish for him to quietly sit with me at the end of the day and exchanged thoughts. Thereon, listen to me with focused attention at least for fifteen minutes.

Thus, when Joe realized that quality time is what I hanker for, he poured out his devotion by answering this request. Thereafter we would sit on the sofa and talk about the high and/or low points of our day.

Yes to the art of conversation.

Service

Upon reaching the dining room in the house of love, we see how an act of service opens the gateway to love.

Cooking a meal, preparing the table, cleaning the room and other chores are the manifestation of this language. Acts of service are what we can do to warm the heart of a partner. Sometimes, like Sophiam, 50-year-old banker, housework is not her cup of tea.

However, she does cleaning tasks on the weekends to bring joy to their residence. She explains it this way.

"This is the nectar I serve in our relationship. Since I realized my partner wants to see a neat environment I try to respond to this request. My act of service is my soft whisper of 'I love you.'"

Touch

Conversely, the power of physical touch is what Sophiam values in her relationship. Looking askance towards the bedroom's direction, she asserted this viewpoint.

"Yes, I believe in the physicality of our relationship. Intimate acts for me include embraces, hugs and kisses. I just love it when my partner holds my hand, gives me a back rub or simply musses my hair. What enjoyment we derive from our physical tenderness!"

Gifts

Our last stop in this abode of love is the garden.

Therein we see red bougainvilleas, purplish vandas and pink roses dotting the land scape of this couple Emma and Robert.

Voila! We observe Emma, 42-year-old entrepreneur, busy as a bee tending to her garden. She narrated how at times she would pick up an armful of roses, lovingly, arrange them into a bouquet and give this to her mate. In other instances, while shopping at the supermarket, she would buy her partner's favorite Aspen cologne to let him know she cares for him.

The value of gift giving is a loving language our partner can appreciate. If you believe your spouse prefers gifts even inexpensive ones, then, follow her/his language of love to allow the scent of happiness to waft in your home.

(November 16, 2008 issue)
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