I DO not know what it is that organizers of the annual Sinukwan festival want to portray, but I hope that it succeeds as public spectacle worthy of a real tourism event.

Frenzied street dancing by costumed participants in fancy headdress is the usual fare of most Philippine festivals. Our own Sinukwan is a poor copycat of the famous Masskara, the Ati-atihan, the Moriones, and Olongapo's Mardi Gras.

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While it is yet the deciding on the single theme of Sinukwan and its actual relevance to Kapampangan life, the organizers should reinvent the event as the ultimate street spectacle in the province.

It can do this by incorporating episodes of the more well-known local festivities, including the "kuraldal", the Aguman Sandok, and the Aeta Tribal Dance in its colorful tableau.

One segment, patterned after the Street Party and Jam Session (Tigtigan Terakan) of Angeles City will give life to the Yuletide show.

Pampanga is known for its beautiful maidens. Floats displaying the beauty and pulchritude of contestants of many beauty competitions in the cities and towns will draw massive attendance.

The Sinukwan organizers should also involve the participation of our famous marching bands to be interspersed among the parade segments.

To raise funds for this expensive enterprise, the organizers may accept political floats of candidates, with the aspirants perched aboard their vehicles. These people will pay a kings ransom as participation fee.

Commercial and business firms, willing to pay for their entry in the parade, will find the event a profitable venue for exposing their products, services, and institutions.

As a one-shot public show in December, the Sinukwan can achieve socio-cultural relevance and gain public support if it will incorporate select segments with highlights of the local festivals. Overall, it will then create a unified effect for total culture harmony.

It will become the final tourism event during Yuletide, especially if the staged during the day of the Giant Lantern Festival.

If it does not violate the cannon law, public morale, or the Code of Ethics, as well as the Code of Kalantiaw, the Sinukwan can duplicate, modify, or recreate a festival in Kalayaan, Laguna called "Lukayao."

As a wedding ritual, the event celebrates connubial bliss by street dancing. Women past their prime frenetically sway and sashay while playing with, or cradling carved wooden or plastic phalluses (penis). The toy penises come in various sizes and shapes.

The Lukayao dancers compete in showing the largest, the most realistic, and ludicrous carved replicate of man's suspect weapon of mass destruction.

It is the one dramatic instance when women can demonstrate their virtual dominance over the male species by toying around, or trifling with the ultimate male symbol of power and authority.

The penis, being the universal representation of male superiority over woman, has been the cause of much deviltry and tyranny against the sacred feminine.

For this reason, it is the first organ that an aggrieved and scorned woman cut in a male body, the cause of her grief, agony and ecstasy.

The Kalayaan townfolk do not find the penis festival, with its explicit sexual content, patently lewd, offensive, or demeaning. Can our cabalen be far behind?

If Fr. Resty will find redeeming social value or merit in this all-women event, he can hasten the step toward cultural liberation and freedom. Women will be empowered by unshackling their mind from false modesty by conquering their fear.

In addition, they can fight back against males' obsession with their phalluses. As man's instrument/organ of oppression, women can ridicule its representation, as the Lguna ladies do, during the real dirty dancing.

In Howie Severino's TV show "I witness", an episode showed Lukayao dancers dancing and cavorting with carved phalluses to the tune of El Bimbo.

One such penis looked like timid "pan de coco". Another resembles the head of actor Jaime Fabregas. An aging woman menacingly carried what looked like a grenade launcher. One phallus, certainly uncircumsized, had the appearance of a suman ebus from a distance.

In a province where two governors, several town mayors; a lawmaker or two, and definitely one board member, had sired children off-base; where a number of bambinos and bambinas were produced by certain members of clergy (now defrocked), this proposed reality segment to Sinukwan might save the event from ennui and viewer's apathy.

Should the Lukayao version find a place in our Sinukwan, and to attract national viewership and recognition, it is proposed that the organizers invite celebrity dancers, preferably BB Gandanghari, Madame Auring, and Mommy Dionisia to carry their "love offerings" during the inaugural run.

If the Sinukwan people cannot describe their event's relevance in a sentence, the Phallus festival certainly delivers its brief but telling message: that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his penis.

Published in the Sun.Star Pampanga newspaper on November 11, 2009.