Mercado: ‘Upong diyes po lamang’

THERE was a time the jeepney fare from one point to another destination cost ten centavos.

Drivers of the ubiquitous Sarao utility vehicles would put a sign “Upong Diyes Po Lamang” as their corporate social responsibility.

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The written commandment prescribes the proper way to sit during your trip, usually with both legs pressed tightly together even if you had just undergone an adult circumcision.

The utility vehicle normally sits six passengers in one row designed for five persons as per Motor Vehicles Office regulation.

Being the acknowledged king of the road during his heyday, the driver – who prides in being a great lover on the side – dictates the number of passengers in a row regardless of occupants’ vital statistics.

If you were a half-starved student with rarely a decent meal, and you happened to be sandwiched by overweight seat mates, which was enough penance for your venial sins.

Nowhere in the concourse of civilized society has the beatitude about the blessed meek inheriting the earth been more visible than hapless passengers complying in ungrudging silence with the “Upong Diyes” dictum. Otherwise one had to disregard an iron pipe menacingly displayed by the driver’s side for whatever purpose.

To remain in a stable frame of mind, I had adopted the slogan “Bear and Forebear” as a defense mechanism in every ride. It’s like a woman pregnant with an unwanted child. She stays cool with the motto “Grin and Bear it.”

One had to bear with Christian fortitude the discourteous, ill-tempered, and churlish behavior of fellow riders who were similarly distraught and equally in mad rush to the office, school or appointments.

Save that we are reminded that certain abominable creatures also belong to our species. They are in the same phylum cordata whom we are commanded to love as ourselves.

It perplexed me to think why the builder of the vehicle did not have the common sense to increase by as much a few inches the length of his converted vehicle.

“Upong Diyes” arose from exigency, with the driver’s need to increase his earnings at the sufferance of the public. It embodies the Pinoy’s proclivity to cheat by beating regulations and the law.

“Upong Diyes” has the compelling force of an order under controlled situation: remember the driver’s bravado and that menacing iron pipe beside him.

The commandment is germane to the familiar exhortations in public with the warning, “Bawal Umihi Dito.” or “Bawal Magtapon ng Basura.”

This “bawal-bawal” mentality, thanks gracious, has given way to innovative entrepreneurship as in the toilet signs: Ihi –P0.50” “Ebak – P2.00.” Tourists remember the latter as their most memorable scenic spot if not the 8th wonder of the world.

“Upong Diyes” is as Filipino as buying in “tingi.” We buy cigarettes by the stick, or vinegar, bagoong, or soy sauce by the cup in the neighborhood store. This is not a shame, even early day Americans bought their drink by jigger in the saloons, and chewing gum by the piece at the corner dispenser machine.

Then as today the highlight of a jeep ride is a medley of sight and sounds dominated by a blaring stereo playing the sweet lover’s favorite tunes. The annoyance is aggravated by the overweight denizens with their ample hips and excess baggage of fat, and the burly hunks, with armpit hair sprouting from surf shirts who caused embarrassment (to themselves) and discomfort (to fellow passengers).

We have to live with these folk in “harmony with nature,” despite being unjustly punished – the thin women, dilapidated senior citizens and the rest of us tax evaders – by being crammed like headless sardines into a cramped space.

The voluntary surrender of one’s rightful space is less disconcerting than the worst of the invariables – odor pollution from smoke belchers and that familiar human emission emanating from a hard day’s work. Armpits normally do not emit gamma rays in early morning. In late afternoon or evening when the day is done, the inevitable odor of sweet-sour sweat becomes a health hazard.

It is a sad commentary on the men during that age. They prefer to spend money on blue-seal cigarettes -- a status symbol -- than invest few centavos on the eternal “tawas,” the poor man’s all time anti-oxidant.

The way women sit in public tells at lot about them. Breeding, station in life, and traits will show by the way a woman utilizes the “upong diyes” space.

Fellow passengers are the mirror of our existence. The contented expression of some poor couples, for instance, reflects joy, providing proof that happy people do not own the best of everything in life.

Perhaps these people are just good in making the best of everything that life brings along their way.

To a DOM like me the little distractions during a jeepney ride today are no longer over bad armpits, toxic smoke or even oversized passengers.

It is being caught in a snarled traffic and get disoriented by the sight of attractive young woman who board or alight off the jeep with upper pretty butts in visible view, the Hello Kitty panty hem boldly in view while basta driver-sweet lover steps on the gas, then in a gruff voice exhorts the passengers with a new dictum, “Barya po lamang!”