I never promised you a rose garden

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Sunday, December 8, 2013

CONFLICT is a human condition and quarrelling between partners in a relationship is a reality. That is why men should not promise a bed of roses for their wives.

The difficulties arise when the wife never gets what she expects, and the man never expects what she gets.

Arguably couples who are most satisfied with their marriages are the newly-weds. Second happiest are the elderly.

With this hypothesis, I can say without fear of contradiction that an exciting and satisfying sex life or the total absence of it – is the single biggest reason to a happy union.

A newly married man who anticipates an evening of hot romance would not think of displeasing his wife, much less start an argument leading to a quarrel that makes lovemaking a farce.

Sexual interest of the elderly, on the other hand, is only a conceit of the imagination. Unless one has the testosterone of Tandang Enrile, active sex for the old people is only a wish to be devoutly consummated. Their lack of sex, in fact the incapacity for it, keeps them contented and happy. The senior citizens amongst us will attest to this.

The newly-weds are the most satisfied with their marriage because their rich and full (almost daily) sexual activity enhances their relationship.

It is a fact that sex among young people is fast and furious. As they grow older, the couple undergo body changes – physical, psychological and hormonal. That’s when the major irritants disturb domestic bliss. The partners should make the corresponding adjustments in the frequency, tempo, and intensity of lovemaking. Otherwise, either the wife or the husband will “fake it,” usually the woman who desires to upgrade her monthly allowance.

Most quarrels in the family are caused by a philandering husband, although the wife shares the blame for a number of reasons. Firstly, she loses interest in sex or keeps herself unkempt. Before she used to be fastidious with her get-up and careful in her appearance, now looks like Senator Miriam who fought all night with her demons.

With performance enhancing drugs easily available to men, plus the supply of fresh, young, and attractive girls everywhere, the poor wife who has lost much of her vinegar (asim) is shunted to the back shelf.

Now, if the conflict is financial in nature, she has to scheme like Mrs. Napoles to acquire her SARO (Special Allotment Release Order) from her partner.

Quarrelling among poor couples is a rarity in the Philippine setting. They are so busy looking for the next meal that there is no time to fight.

To the harassed husband striving in a dog-eat-dog life out there and the slaving wife who is tied down to endless housekeeping work and child rearing, moments of brief anger and irritability often erupt between couples.

Most times, the husband insists on his authority and power over the woman, but she holds her ground, even quoting their marriage vows out of context. The overworked wife snaps back and the tired husband escalates the exchanges. The minor tussle develops into a major outburst.

Conflict and hostility in relationships are inevitable. Lovers fight because they care. Such care is often expressed in post-war sex. At times, the man would remind the woman that while he honors his marital vows, still he did not promise her a rose garden.

If she is in the fighting mood the woman gets back at her man. Her killer weapon is that she is too tired to make love. Nano? he wildly protests. “Wa, mapagal ku, “ she insists.

Susmariosep! Guera na naman.


Even if we take a thousand
steps away from God,
We only have to turn around
and take one step back toward Him.   

Published in the Sun.Star Pampanga newspaper on December 09, 2013.


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