The Visitation

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Sunday, January 12, 2014


MALACAÑANG is trying hard to guess what former President now Manila City Mayor Erap and ex-President now Congresswoman Arroyo talked about during Erap's recent visit to GMA. I imagined this probable dialogue:

GMA: (removes neck brace) Mabuti naman nadalaw ka, Erap. Thank you for coming.

Erap: Noong akong nakulong, bumisita kayo sa akin, Madam, exchange favor ika nga.

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GMA: Hindi ka naman na-harass sa pagpasok mo dito? Pinaghuhugas ng alcohol ang mga visitors ko.

Erap: Naku, sobra-sobrang alcohol sa katawan ko. Di na raw kailangan magpa sterilize pa.

GMA: Palabiro ka talaga, Mr. President. Ano ba talaga ang sadya natin? Tungkol ba sa problema ni Jinggoy?

Erap: Let's get direct to the issue. Ako lang ang pwedeng makapagpalaya sa inyo. Help me get elected as President, I promise to set you free. You may get convicted under Noynoy, but you will get your pardon from Erap. That way, bayad ang utang ko sa pagpardon mo sa akin.

GMA: Eh papaano si Binay?

Erap: Tatalunin ko 'yan. Sa pangalan lang patok na tayo. Jejomar versus Erap, medaling tandaan ang akin.

GMA: Si FVR, ayos ba kayo? What's up between you two?

Erap: Marahil nakarating na ang balita sa inyo. Where there's smoke (in his cigar) there is fire. Syanga pala, baka malagay na kayo sa house arrest. Sa aking Tanay resort kayo magpa confine, kung gusto 'nyo.

GMA: Anong mayroon dun?

Erap: May dalawang swimming pools para sa mabilis na spinal therapy at recovery ninyo. May picnic ground for your guests from Pampanga. May pond para sa pato, gansa at flamingo. Maaliw ka roon sa dami ng ibon. May piggery, reminds us - hehe - of the pork issue. May western style bar para kay Mikey at bisita ni Atty. Mike. 'Yung kusinera dun masarap magluto.

GMA: Magandang lugar pala para mag-meditate. Anong specialty ng chef mo?

Erap: Syempre Lipton tea. Balita ko bawal matulog si Atty. Mike dito. Sa resort ko libre ang consolation visit anytime.

GMA: Conjugal visit, wala na akong panahon dun. Sino naman ang balak maging vice president?

Erap: Yan ang concession ko sa grupo mo't FVR. Makakatiyak kang walang panalo sa akin si Roxas. Kaya kung magkaisa tayo, parang tinamaan ng 'Yolanda' ang mga Liberal sa 2016 race. Kung baga sa derby, toro bred ako.

GMA: Balitang-balita ang mga halagang kabayo mo sa Tanay resort.

Erap: I have several horses and a tiny pony. (Laughs aloud) Tamang tama para sa iyo ang maliit na kabayo.

GMA: (gets the joke) It would be bad for the country if I would hurt my neck in a bad fall while riding your horse. (Smirking) I suggest you feed that pony with good grass for its health.

Erap: Aba, Madam, 'di kami gumagamit ng masamang damo sa Tanay resort. Kayo, how do you amuse yourself in confinement?

GMA: Ni TV wala dito, sana iPad man lang para makapaglaro ng games.

Erap: Noong akong na-detain, Pokemon ang laro ko.

GMA: Ha!ha!ha! Di ba nakaka-bore 'yan?

Erap: Exciting nga (scratches his bigote) basta't may financing may romancing. He!he!he! At alam n'yo ang principle ko, those who have less in life should have more in-laws.

--oo0oo--

Relatives and friends of Sun.Star Pampanga's Ethel Garcia Infante greet her Happy Birthday on her natal day on Jan. 14. She is in charge of the paper's administrative work. Her devotion to duty and industry sustains orderly and effective office procedures. Many returns of the day!

Published in the Sun.Star Pampanga newspaper on January 13, 2014.

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