Legalizing Marijuana

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Tuesday, February 18, 2014


THE Philippine Medical Association is nearly divided over the proposed legalization of marijuana (mj) for medicinal use.

Elsewhere in the US, Canada, and Europe even the recreational use of the weed is now allowed. Pilipinas, game ka na ba?

I just visited a semi-retired 78-year-old physician to get his insight on the sizzling proposal. Dr K is not a quack by any measure although he is widely known for dispensing herbal cures to certain ailments like diabetes, arthritis, and premature ejaculation.

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As his expertise also covers male sexual dysfunction his favourite treatment for this malady is a concoction made from mimosa pudica. I have tried the bitter potion but soon stopped for fear of making me a serial molester.

I had met Dr K through a distant cousin from Mexico town whose stubborn asthma attacks had been successfully treated- or quickly alleviated- by marijuana use. My “insan” suffers from extreme breathing difficulty every time he and his wife quarrel. Naturally the sharp-tongued espouse had the last word, he admitted. “The insults I can take but not the well-aimed flying objects that often find their mark,” he added.

“The last disparaging word plus a ceramic projectile thrown for impact causes severe stress that triggers asthmatic attacks,” he added as he described his painful gasping for air. “I love her though she takes my breath away.”

Old Doc advised him to smoke pot immediately after each violent quarrel, a protocol which indeed calmed his frazzled nerves and restored normal respiration. In addition he also urged him to beat a hasty exit to avoid a collision course with the pugnacious woman especially when she is in the “red.”

Convinced of Dr. K’s alternative medical approaches I decided to see him concerning my painful knees.

“Have you played hard basketball during your young days?”

“Yes, Doc.”

“Are you still sexually active?” I declined to answer on grounds against self-incrimination.

“You have abused your knees by playing a rugged sport. And as to active sex, the already age-weakened joints get aggravated by repeated strenuous exertion,” he quickly diagnosed my complaint.

He then prescribed the smoking protocol for my chronic knee pain. I asked him if the weed was not bad for the health. “Isn’t marijuana addictive?”

“If you lose mobility due to disabled legs, surely that’s bad for the health and your finances, too. I understand you media guys require a lot of orbiting in your business.” Old Doc must be reading local tabloids.

“Suffering unwanted pain and discomfort is a worse affliction than ordinary addiction,” he added as he flipped over what looked like a freshly-rolled “mj” joint.

Doc K admitted that legal use of pot may be abused despite its rigid and strict control and supervision by health authorities. He said it’s not unlike smoke belching vehicles that also undergo and usually passed inspection and government regulations. In that case expect our streets to be filled with walking zombies arising from shabu and pot abuse.

Lawmakers accused of stealing millions in the PDAF scam can resort to medical marijuana use, who would soon pretend to lose their memory to avoid indictment.

The same loss of memory by whatever cause has also created a word war between Mayor Maglanque and ex-mayor Pelayo. The incumbent demanded the status of a missing bulldozer loaned to Candaba during Pelayo’s term. It was inferred that the equipment could have been sold, stolen, whatever.

Getting back at Rene who sports a P1 million hair transplant, he urged him to help locate and retrieve some unaccounted P86M purportedly given as aid to Masantol town from Malampaya funds. The inference is John Lloyd’s version of the dirty finger to a fellow Macapagal Arroyo confidante and alleged ally of the Napoles.

Candabenos openly endorsed an amicable solution to the conflict. They suggested that the duo smoke the traditional peace pipe to preserve public order. By smoking pot, a behaviour modifier, the rivals can take their dispute to a high level via “good trip.”

I suggest the PDEA R-3 sponsor the peace parley by supplying the “joints” (from confiscated evidence) as the agency’s form of corporate social responsibility. Who knows, the pot session, under controlled conditions, may help restore the mayors’ memories (or sanity) which is good for Matuwid na Daan. With this mind-altering exercise the missing bulldozer and pilfered P86M may just be recovered.

They should do it, now na! Aanhin pa ang damo kung patay na si Pelayo?

***

Whenever you share goodness in your heart,
you always end up winning because life is an echo.
It gives back what you give.

Published in the Sun.Star Pampanga newspaper on February 19, 2014.

Opinion

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