Gays in the Army

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Tuesday, April 22, 2014


I JUST read (PDI p. 18, Apr. 2l) that the third sex so-called is welcome in the new recruitment campaign of the Philippine Army.

The news is the next sensational thing in the armed forces after the Cudia ouster case.

The new policy of accepting gay soldiers in the army was the celebrated theme of the blockbuster movie “Pribeyt Benjamin.” The lead role while salivating over his uber macho officer was also capable of heroism above and beyond the call of duty.

The Army’s recruitment policy was not quite explicit on the scope or limitations, if any, on who comprise the third sex. I presume any redblooded LGBT applicant is qualified to be enlisted soldier.

Gay soldiers in whatever phylum or category may cause apprehension or doubts over their expected behavior. On the contrary the LGBT soldiers may improve morale and welfare in military ranks due to their varied talents and gifts.

For instance gay soldiers will enliven up the camp’s drab environs by sprucing up the place. The briefing room could be made up like a mini cabaret with half blinking lights, buntings, and flower decors.

Soldiers’ meals will definitely improve if the gays are given a hand in food preparation, depending on whether the mess sergeant scrimps or cheats on the marketing funds.

In remote places of assignment, for instance, the soldiers’ favorite form of recreation is the karaoke, with a little dancing on the side after a round of Red Horse.

Undeniable the gay sex is quite unbeatable in the creativity, talent, and excitement related to stage shows and entertainment. In Army sports intramurals, an outfit with beki boxers will win trophies for their station.

A happy hour at the camp will prevent soldiers in going out to risky places to enjoy beer, women, and song.

Company officers who would go out for a spa or body rub may not longer wander outside the camp where landmines have claimed not a few lives and limbs.

Enlisted gay personnel may organize their cooperative to provide variety of services from hair grooming, manicure, pedicure, and body massage. The gay soldiers’ adroitness and expertise in soft or heavy massage will be proven useful in alleviating body aches after a firefight or night patrol.

With gays in the army, there will not be a boring moment. One drawback is during inspection time when the duty officer will discover ladies thongs and breast pads in the lockers of certain soldiers. It is a fact, too, that when they fall in love, the LGBT cannot be kept under prolonged restrictions and tight discipline. A code of honor may be required for the special sex. They may lie, cheat, but not tell.

The only danger I foresee is when two gays would fight for the handsome CO or a platoon leader with six-packed abs.

Beki soldiers make good assets in administrative and civil relations work. Even the lesbians can be sent to combat duty. Hindi na takot sa putukan ang mga ‘yan.

A lady corporal I knew during martial law days had told me: “Hindi ako takot sa baril ng mga NPA, kuya. Mas mapanganib pa ang water cannon ng ibang officers diyan.”

Published in the Sun.Star Pampanga newspaper on April 23, 2014.

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