M: July is reunion month! We just had our Alumni Homecoming in STC. It was wonderful to go back to our high school and spend time with our batch mates and see fellow Jubilarians. In the case of Joe, class president of his batch, he wrote that he did not want to attend their high school reunion because he is not as successful as his batch mates. He thinks that his classmates expected more of him and he is embarrassed that he has not lived up to their expectations. How does he handle this?
DJ: Joe should make the time and effort to attend, not because he was president, but because he will be in the company of his high school buddies and longtime friends. Joe shouldn’t be comparing himself with others. Success is relative and professional or work achievement is not the only yardstick of success. High school was so long ago and everyone has forged different paths. Accept it. Be happy for others. I’m sure they are also happy for you. Each has written their own story, learning from their past and envisioning and working for a better future.
M: As they say, past is past. Reminisce about it, yes, but don’t always gauge what you are or where you are from where you’ve been. The wisdom from my son’s science lesson on the different food groups is apt—Go. Grow. Glow! Any experience can be transformed into something of value. It depends on the way we look at things. We cannot have success without the failures. And failures can actually force us to consider other options and launch us to try new things and be successful or happy at it. Reunions remind us of what happened before but more than that, it should be a good time not just to laugh but also to learn from each other.
DJ: Here’s what I think can be helpful for Joe in dealing with reunion realities. Don’t let other people’s past expectations stop you from being present. Renew and strengthen old friendships. Let go of your own misgivings. Instead of focusing on what you lack, try to appreciate what you have. Think of the get-togethers as an opportunity to re-establish ties and build a stronger network of friends. But don’t think of what you can get out of it but what you can share, if not money, then time or talent.
M: There is an old song that goes “reunited and it feels so good...” We do not always feel good about the state we are in or the circumstances that we’re in. It is not good to let other people’s expectations run the course of your life. Why doesn’t Joe instead expect greater things of himself and try to do something about it, including asking his friends to help him achieve what he is aspiring for? Alexander Graham Bell said: “When one door closes another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”