Monday, July 26, 2004 Flavier: The parable of the urine analysis By Juan Flavier
THE FARMER had always disliked and was generally suspicious of hospitals. He once brought his aging father to the emergency room alive and kicking. After the operation, the farmer took out the old man with his feet first (una ang paa) meaning in the horizontal position or dead.
Since then, the mere mention of hospitals made the farmer recall the tragic death of his dear father. As time went on, the sadness grew to resentment and even hate.
"Hospitals cause death," he would be heard condemning on many occasions.
If he could help it, he had a standing pledge never to step inside a hospital again.
But then, the farmer developed a sore elbow which affected his livelihood. All attempts at cure by the albularyo proved ineffective.
His daughter prevailed upon him to go to the hospital. He flatly refused. The only concession he allowed was to have his urine analyzed. When he was informed of the prohibitive cost of the laboratory examination of his urine, he decided to put one over his detested hospital.
Instead of just sending his urine, he mixed it with the urine of his wife, his daughter, his son and their dog. "That way, I get the reading for the whole family for the price of one laboratory examination."
After a week, the daughter picked up the result.
With great interest, the farmer read the typewritten report.
"Urinalysis showed the following: Your wife is pregnant, your daughter has an infection of the bladder, your son has venereal disease, your dog has worms. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, you will continue to have a sore elbow."
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