Wednesday, January 23, 2008 Delen: Family By Annie Delen Jaded Mind
(Or running away from your roots would only insure that you'll be stripped, hogtied and brought back screaming at the top of your lungs)
A GOOD friend once said, "We can't choose who we are related to but we sure could make the best of that situation." I totally agree although judging from recent events my relatives would vehemently shake their heads in disagreement.
Two weeks ago, I met Architect Arvin Belandres, a good friend to my brother and I. He is also from Tabuk though he and his lovely wife Doleny transferred to this fair city a few years back. He regaled me with stories of their Christmas vacation in Tabuk. Unfortunately for my battered conscience, he managed to remind me after every few words that I was not there ... or that I should have been there. Whoever said that taking a guilt trip is a luxury was not there that muggy Saturday afternoon.
Truth is, the last time I was home was for my most handsome brother's (I have only one) wedding in 2005 and I have not visited since. Reason: too expensive, too far and too hot. The last part might raise some eyebrows considering that I've been born and raised in "Tapuk" City. (I swear the moniker was not from me.) But why lie about it? After all, one of the advantages of being an adult is the ability to choose where you want to live. Don't get me wrong, I love my hometown, I simply opted to live in Baguio while there still is a difference in the climate. Even that is disappearing at an alarming rate.
But enough with beating around the bush. If there is one thing that is keeping me away it is also the very same thing that's pulling me back. That is "F" for family. We belong to a large clan and that is just my father's side. So large that my dear sister in-law was positively horrified at our number on their wedding day. I was quite sure she would have backed out had there been a helicopter available outside the church. Thank God the entrance was blocked with relatives so now she is happily (I'd like to think) a part of the family.
Families however, even those as comfortable as mine can drive a person crazy. I've never really noticed the difference when I was growing up seeing everyone almost daily but as I left them behind more and more, I began to notice small but significant things about them and myself.
For one, there seems to be a visceral need to dip their fingers in someone's business. Nothing gets past my family. They know everything there is to know about everybody. How they get the information, I am not certain. But considering the accuracy of the data, I sometimes can't help thinking that we have a satellite especially trained on each and every person that belongs to the clan. And if they don't have hard facts, I would not let it past them to make a story. The most recent one was my supposed studies to become a nurse.
On the extreme end, they also have this tendency to leave you alone to the point of isolation. They too have their own separate lives but like most everyone, they can get so wrapped up with their own concerns that one can go for months without seeing them. This group mind you belongs to a select few. But soon as they need something, they follow the yellow brick road leading to your house. Our father (bless his soul) has had the misfortune of receiving them. Mercifully, I was already in college then. Until now, I still wonder how many uncollected loans Dad brought with him to the grave.
But the part I am uncomfortable the most is the well meaning unsolicited advice. Families have that irritating habit of trying to run your life the way they see fit. I love it that they are concern and I am truly touched that they care but sometimes, one should fall once or twice in order to learn. My father taught me that.
So, why indeed have I not gone home? "F" for freedom; "F" for finding your own way; "F" for facing my own ghosts and challenges and yes "F" for family. (To be continued)
