"Please help me. I want to get my 7-year-old ADHD child to sit still in class and copy from the board. Teacher is complaining he is not paying attention and not copying from the board and not sitting in class. I have to yell and scream to make him to sit... and his homework is not getting done."
Here is a response I got from a psychologist who is a friend of mine:
It is not what happens before the behavior, but what happens after the behavior that really matters. To get your son to do the copying from board work at school, you will need to know how your son did each day in school. This is best done with a little note home from the teacher each day. It could look like this...
Today _________ did his work in school. (signed by the teacher).
When your son brings home the note, then something special happens at home. He could play a special game with you or his father. He could get a special snack, or he could get to play some other game that he wants to play, but can not normally play. You could talk with your son and make a list of things that he would like. Then, he could choose from the list each day.
You could write each thing he wants to do on a strip of a paper, and put the paper strips in a jar or bowl. When he gets a good note from school, he picks one slip of paper and that is the special activity he gets.
You want the fun activity to be worth enough for him to focus in school and do his work. Over time, you can change the activities and make them smaller.
Let your son know that you will do this for two weeks, and then there will be some changes. But, you need to make sure that the special activities are important enough for your son to work hard to get them each day.
For homework, you do something similar. No yelling or nagging will be needed to get him to do his homework.
When he completes his homework, then a special game or snack is earned. You should use different things than for the schoolwork. Homework should be easier than the schoolwork, so the rewards should be smaller.
You work for a paycheck each day. Set it up so your son does the same. When you give your son the reward he has earned, smile, be happy, hug him, and say something nice, like, "I'm glad you got your work done today. Good job!"
When he does not get his work done (no note), all you need to say is, "Oh, I know you are disappointed that you didn't get your special reward. I hope you get it tomorrow."
You don't need to nag. You SHOULD NOT nag him. You don't need to have a big talk about how unfair the teacher is, or that he really forgot the note at school. It is simple, bring home the note, and then enjoy the reward.
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I hope this question and answer has given you some ideas for your own children.
If you have your own question you would like to have answered then please feel free to write through this column or send through my email address and have it printed here.
