Friday, July 18, 2008 Cajucom: The divine secrets of the Ya-ya sisterhood By Regina May M. Cajucom Serendipity Couch
IN ANCIENT times, husbands were responsible for hunting and fishing, while wives were left at home to care for the children. In the early 1900s, women were discouraged from getting a college degree, and were misled into believing that their life-mission was only to land good husbands and raise babies.
If this sounds obscure and creepy, you should see The Stepford Wives starring Nicole Kidman, a remake of the 1975 classic. That movie gave me more nightmares than did Ringu (Japanese original of "The Ring").
At present, however, it is uncommon to find households with husbands as sole breadwinners. Wives now help in earning for the family - not just because we're smart, educated, empowered, highly-qualified, career-driven (hey, I can go on with my modifiers, but let's save that for another chat...) - but because these days, even with both spouses working, it has become difficult to make ends meet.
With this setting, the family is faced with the dilemma of who will be in charge of childcare when both parents are at work, especially when there are no grandparents or other immediate relatives who have the time, the ability and/or the willingness to care for the kids. Hence, the dire need for them.
They go by the designations babysitter, caregiver, nanny, ate, yaya, manang, nanang, nana, 'day, among others; and now play a major role in the modern concept of the Filipino family. This is evident from the fact that they are the topic of many articles in newspapers and other publications.
In fact, popular parenting guru Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan has come up with "I Love You, Yaya" - a yaya handbook complete with two VCDs providing tips for the selection, training and even care of babysitters. Indeed, when mothers are working eight hours or more a day, there is no other choice but to delegate some tasks, particularly child care, to our reliable yayas. I am living proof of this.
With three hyperactive, incessantly assertive daughters aged nine, six and two years old, there seems to be no other way to get through my (average) 11-hour workday without the help of a precious ate.
In my entire life as a parent, I have never been yaya-less for more than a month (okay, make that "in my entire life", period). It really commands a major lifestyle change when you suddenly lose a yaya. This is known to most of us mothers, that is why we end up tolerating our nannies, despite their sometimes disagreeable attitude.
Isn't it a shame how there seems to be a reversal of roles somewhere? How, at times, we end up being slaves to our yaya's idiosyncracies just so we can make them stay, fearing our world will crumble if they leave? I think this is one trait that is unique to Pinoys. We really are a bit too spoiled when it comes to helpers and nannies unlike in the US where having nannies are only for the privileged few, considering the rates being paid to them (an average of US$250 to US$400 per week for newbies, and US$400 to US$1,000 for those with training...wait, where do we apply?).
Nonetheless, for me, yayas are angels on earth. Though relatively underpaid, oftentimes unappreciated, and sometimes even abused in terms of workload and hours, our yayas patiently give our kids love, care and attention as if they were their own.
They feed our children, bring them to school, make sure they do not get hurt, and do countless other things for them, and for us. Thank heavens I've never had a yaya from hell, like those seen in shocking documentaries. Hopefully, we will never get one - a mother's instincts are reliable on these matters.
Filipino babysitters and caregivers are known all over the world for their genuine love and affection for their wards, even to the point of giving up their own lives.
This is the reason I do not feel shame when Filipinos are depicted in world media as "merely" babysitters or caregivers - for in that light, we are viewed as surrogate mothers - and for me, motherhood remains to be the most noble "profession" in the world.
"For the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." - William Ross Wallace
Although this poem was intended to pay tribute to mothers, I think it does apply to our nannies as well.
Well, as some people believe, there is no such thing as a selfless deed. This piece is for our ate who is turning a year older today (Thursday). Ate Dang, thanks for taking care of us, especially our three Mikaelas. Happy birthday!
