Monday, February 12, 2007 Cole: Single on Valentine's? By Eldred D. Cole She Speak
THOUGHT the saga of being single is finished? Think again -- the doozie of all doozies of holidays targeting singles is here: Valentines Day!
For the unconnected, unhitched, or plain single, the dreaded 14th Day of February can be a one-single-red-rose reminder (as if we needed one!) that we'll be eating dinner by ourselves that night (again).
Add to that the mall windows filled with heart-shaped styrofoam and the bombardment of ads from florists to bakeries to jewelers, and Valentine's Day can make you feel like you're the only one who forgot to board Noah's ark or was not even invited to board.
Well, Valentine's Day isn't just for the happily (and unhappily) attached of the world; it's for us singles as well.
So don't sell yourself short by thinking you need a boyfriend or girlfriend to take advantage of February 14th. This is your day, too!
Valentine's Day gives us the opportunity to celebrate our independence from bad co-dependent relationships with people we never really liked that much anyway-and that's worth sending greeting cards about!
Here are ways of getting through what might seem like the most unromantic day of the year-and maybe even having some fun.
Be in a state of denial. It may not be the smartest coping mechanism during the rest of the year, but it helps to make fun of the holiday, labeling it a "Hallmark invention" or a "Pagan ritual" - and convince ourselves that the day doesn't have much true meaning anyway, it's commercialism at it's peak.
Every year (if we can manage it) my friends and I got together for dinner to celebrate ourselves. We talked about the accomplishments we'd enjoyed since the last Valentine's Day or the year before.
Even if they were small things like new places we'd been, new foods we'd tried-anything that acknowledged that we'd grown in some way.
The result? It was inspiring to take time to see what we have instead of what we're missing. (But I realize this also could be considered denial.)
There's also the reaching out and helping others. Sure, it's easy to focus inward on our own romantic emptiness, but a friend of mine thinks reaching out should apply to Valentine's Day as well.
"On Christmas, people go out of their way to make sure everyone has presents and happy," she said. "Why don't we do that on Valentine's Day, when we really need it? Why not hand out free red roses or chocolates to single people on Valentine's Day?"
Well, perhaps not that exact idea, but giving those who'd appreciate it: Why not volunteer to do something nice for other people so that they feel loved-even if you don't?
Invest in a "you-tual" fund. If you're feeling sad about not having love on Valentine's Day, just think of all the money you would spend if you did: Guys, paying for dinner.
Ladies, buying a new outfit or if you can't afford one, hurting yourself to get into one of your old clothes, and getting your hair done at the least expensive salon in the city and ending up having a bad hair day! Now you can use that money to pamper yourself.
Do something that's just for you, like an evening at the spa or salon.
Revel in being single rather than being with just anyone. Remember the time when you had a very uncomfortable expensive romantic dinner with the guy you were dating and broke up a week later?
Make a list of all the things you personally have to celebrate about being single this year.
For instance, you can celebrate not having to feign excitement over red roses and chocolate truffles from your ex when, if he had ever paid any attention, he'd have known you like light beers and caramel candy.
You can take pleasure in the fact that there's not a guy sitting on your sofa playing video games all day long while you're struggling to clean the house, and nobody's leaving dirty dishes on your sink as if some magic fairy is going to pick them up and wash them some day.
Then I think it would be best to be your own valentine.
I always bought myself something on Valentines Day even how infinitesimal that is, because I have always been of the mindset that I love me and deserve to proclaim it to myself on February 14th, rather than to feel bad that someone else hasn't quite realized yet how terrific I am.
Who else would love you unconditionally except God, but you? In fact, ask another single friend and exchange red roses to honor yourselves on Valentines Day.
Remember that Valentine's Day isn't all it's cracked up to be anyway.
Even if you have a Valentine (and especially if you've been together long enough that you're using the same toothbrush, ew!), celebrating romance on a specific day each year tends to lose its luster.
So just because you're single doesn't mean you're missing much. Oh, wait, that must be my denial kicking in.
Let's exercise our right to have fun solo. So this year, fellow singles, put Cupid on pause and embrace your freedom. Treat yourself with the love you usually give to someone else by celebrating Valentine's Day any way you like-or not!
(For comments and/or violent reactions e-mail me at coi_416@hotmail.com)
