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Monday, July 21, 2003
What?!
By Keith Appari Bacalso
Mom bought a new digital camera. Mom asked you to tutor her for hours on how to work the darned thing. Mom bought herself a new dress. Mom bought you a toga. Mom bought you “clothes for the office.”
“Mom, I can’t graduate on time.” And her reply sounds scarier than the “What?!” from that soap commercial.
So, now that you’ve come to terms with your fate (i.e another sem or two in college) and brought it out in the open, it is high time for you to rationalize and think about the perks of being a super-senior this semester.
First of all, your tenure in school is correlated with your IQ. The longer you stay in school, the higher your IQ tends to be. Since you also get to hear the same old lectures and take the same old exams-you get to participate more during class discussions and get higher scores, too. Then you go, “Mom, school keeps my mind stimulated.”
Next up, you get to be cooler if you’re a guy or hotter if you’re a chick. You’re now the cool bad-boy-who-hangs-around-and-knows-more-than-the-other-guys – the chicks just swoon when you say “hi” and everybody wants to hang around with you. Or, you’re the hot chick who is way more mature than the other girls- and all the guys just dig you for that so they keep asking you out. Then you go, “Mom, my social life just got better!”
You also get fewer classes and get more hang-time. By this time, you’ve only got one or two subjects to go through before you get your diploma. With all your free time, you can hang around at your favorite tambayan in school and just chill. Then you go, “Mom, I’m more relaxed and stress free now. Stress is bad for me after all, right?”
Since you’re still in school, you don’t have to go through the hassles of applying for a job too. No scouring the classified ads for job openings, no curriculum vitaes, no need for a new “decent” hairstyle, no business attires and no interviews just to end up jobless anyway. You don’t get to become a statistic among a million other unemployed individuals. Then you go, “Mom, I didn’t make the statistics for unemployment look worse. I just did the country a great service.”
Finally, since you’re still in school, jobless and technically still a dependent (on your parents of course,) you don’t have to sweat for your own money. Instead, you still get your monthly allowance from your parents, or, this time around, ask for a raise.
Then your mom goes, “What?! I don’t have a son/daughter named your-name-here! Get out of this house!”
Tsk! Your mom seriously has to come to terms with her fate.
(July 21, 2003 issue)
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