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Sunday, February 22, 2004
Is my crush gay?
By Dr. Fe Mantua-Ruiz & Dr. Dana Ruiz-Sesante
Women’s world
Dr. Fe Mantua-Ruiz & Dr. Dana Ruiz-Sesante
Women’s world
Dear Dra. Ruiz,
How can I tell whether or not the guy I like is gay ?
Let me describe some interesting things I’ve noticed about him. He’s very brand-conscious, and all his clothes – shirts, jeans, shoes – are branded.
Also, he’s very neat in appearance, with his hair always with gel or mousse, shirt tucked in, etc. Somebody even told me that he goes to the gym everyday because he’s conscious about his figure, especially his abs and pecs. He always smells good, with just the right amount of cologne, not too overpowering. I don’t know any other guy who’s like this.
But aside from the physical stuff, there are also some things about him that make me wonder if he’s gay or not. Like I always see him in the company of girls. He doesn’t seem to have any close male friends, at least not one that I know of. And those few times when we’re part of a big group, where there are boys and girls, his manner of talking to the guys is different to that when he’s talking to girls. I can’t really define how different, just that I know it’s not the same.
Then there’s this girl in our class who’s really well-endowed physically. We’ve even given her the nickname Booba, if you know what I mean. I’ve noticed that almost all our male classmates can’t help but follow her around with their eyes, focusing on that particular place. That is, all except him. It seems he couldn’t care any less.
Does all of this mean that he’s gay? I’ve never had any gay friends before, so I don’t know what to expect. Is he or isn’t he?
SF
Dear SF,
There’s really no one sure way to tell if someone is gay or not. Though jokes abound regarding this dilemma, we have yet to find one surefire way of identifying a person’s sexual preference if he or she chooses not to reveal his or her inclinations.
I have heard, though I’ve not yet proven this to be true myself, that there’s such a thing as a “gay radar,” meaning a person who’s gay is more likely to identify another person as such than someone who’s not gay. For example, using personalities in our popular culture, John “Sweet” Lapuz, a self-confessed gay, is more likely to detect whether someone is gay or not than, say, Fernando Poe Jr. Like I said, I don’t know how true this is. Too bad that you don’t know anyone personally who’s gay, otherwise that person might be a rich source of first-hand information. Or you might even get to introduce that gay person you know to someone whom you suspect to be gay, just to get his or her take on the matter. Either way, that person would have been better able than me to give you just the guidance you need.
I guess the best advice I can give you on the matter is to just go on with your crush on this guy, regardless of your doubts about his sexuality.
Anyway, it’s not like you’re going steady with him, or even worse, marrying him. It’s just an innocent crush, one that can provide you with some inspiration, or even a healthy endorphin rush when he’s around. I don’t see any harm coming to you if indeed he turns out to be gay. All you’ll get is a mild spark of disappointment, perhaps similar to that felt by women of my generation when it was revealed that Rock Hudson, a dashing and debonair matinee idol of our time, was gay all along.
So indulge in your crush, one of the advantages of your youth that, unfortunately, will slowly disappear as you mature. Enjoy life!
Very truly yours,
Fe Mantua-Ruiz, M.D.
(February 22, 2004 issue)
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