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Monday, March 08, 2004
Strengthening the bond between parents, children
AFTER getting tips on making clear rules, clearly stating your position, learning to listen, how to talk to your kids, how to be a good role model, how to be more involved, we will now look into the following:
Be firm
Parents should state clearly to their pre-teens and teens that they would be very disappointed if they started using marijuana. Parents may also want to explain that marijuana use interferes with young people’s concentration, memory, and motor skills, and that it interferes with motivation, leads to poorer school performance, and can cause users to disappoint the people most important to them. All of this can be communicated in a loving way: “I love you and I want the best for you, so I hope you won’t try marijuana.”
Honesty
Your kid asks you the question you’ve feared - did you ever do drugs? You want to be honest because you love and respect them, but, unless the answer is an unqualified “no,” it’s a difficult question. Regardless of your history with drugs, it’s your responsibility to set limits for your child and to tell them,
“In this family drug use is not acceptable.” What’s important is that you listen to your children and what they’re asking. Even if it’s upsetting try to avoid an argument. If you have done drugs in the past, you can tell the truth to your child without appearing to be a hypocrite because, at one time in their lives, everyone has done something they wish they hadn’t. Remember, the issue isn’t your past; it’s your children’s future. The key is to look at this as an opportunity. Your kids have come to you to discuss something that’s troubling them. Listen to what they are saying. What’s important is to state firmly that you don’t want them to do anything this bad for them - especially smoking, drinking and drugs.
Truth
The most effective deterrent to drug use isn’t the police, or prisons, or politicians -- it’s you. Kids who learn about the risks of drug use from their parents are 36% less likely to smoke marijuana than kids who learn nothing from them. If you talk to your kids about the dangers of drug use, they are less likely to use.
Help with peer pressure
No matter where children grow up or who their friends are, nearly all of them are confronted at some time or another by friends with bad ideas - ways of testing limits, getting in trouble, and doing things they’ll regret later. It’s not so hard saying, “No thanks, I have to go now” to a stranger. But it’s a lot tougher when a child’s friend - especially one whose approval means a lot to him or her - tries to get them to do something they know is wrong.
Even “good kids” occasionally pester their friends into skipping a class or lying about why they were out together so late. But if friends or acquaintances entice your children to try tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, the consequences can be more serious. The best way to prepare children to succeed in these encounters is to “role play” - practice similar scenarios in advance. With the right words at the tip of their tongue, children can assert their independence while making it clear that they’re rejecting their friends’ choices and not the friends themselves.
Praise positive behavior
What encourages a kid more than his or her parents’ approval? The right word at the right time can strengthen the bond that helps keep your child away from drugs. Emphasize the things your kid does right and restrain the urge to be critical. Reward good behavior consistently and immediately. Expressions of love, appreciation and thanks go a long way. Even kids who think themselves too old for hugs will appreciate a pat on the back or a special treat. Accentuate the positive. Emphasize the things your kid does right. Rein in the urge to be critical. Affection and respect - making your child feel good about himself -- will reinforce good (and change bad) behavior far more successfully than embarrassment or uneasiness.
Love
The best way you can help your kids avoid destructive behavior is to spend time with them, talking to them about their friends, school activities, and asking them what they think.
Most importantly, tell your kids you love them.
For more information, one may visit Recovery House on 48 Sindulan st., Mabolo, or call 231-5229 or 234-0355.
(March 8, 2004 issue)
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