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Monday, March 08, 2004
Editorial: Beyond drink
NARCISCO (not his real name) had three weaknesses: drugs, drink and an inability to forgive anyone who hit him in the face.
When he went on binges, his wife lost even her forbearance.
This is the same woman whom he gave money to for securing their marriage license because he was too bleary from drink, barely able to have himself fitted for his wedding suit.
The same woman who used her earnings to shower him with imported liquor, blue-seal cigarettes and other luxury goods, which he sold to feed his habits.
The same woman who, at the end of her tether, left him after four years of living together and finding their life going nowhere.
Their bickering had been succeeded by tussles, which worsened into dogfights. Hitting him with anything she could get hold of, she sometimes glanced off his face.
Then it became bad for her: his vision darkening, his hands turned “light” and he beat her black and blue. When his own sister slammed a heavy can of ham against his face, he used his fists on her, too.
Today, Narciso is recovering from decades of addiction to alcohol and illegal substances. Looking older than his age, he spares no details in recalling his wife, who wanted to but never became the mother of his children because he did not want to have her earnings diluted by expenses for infant formula or diapers. Their money he reserved only for his drinks and shabu.
Though Narciso can talk about his wife, he cannot close yet that chapter. He does not know what happened to her after she left him.
Scarring
Lack of closure scars the relationships of men and women whose lives are lost to alcohol and substance abuse.
Physical abuse, maltreatment and battering is the single dominant case of violence committed against women, according to the National Commission on the Role of Filipino Women.
In every case of rape, incest and abuse, police and social workers detect the triggering influence of addiction. While illegal drugs is recognized as a scourge by law and ethics, it is not so with alcohol. Drinking is accepted as a ritual affirming a person’s sociability, status, even machismo.
A “gentleman drinker” or a “weekend drinker” is an often heard excuse. “There is no problem with my drinking,” the alcoholic will murmur, ignoring the complaints and pleas of mothers, girlfriends, husbands and children.
Some say professional help is needed to break through the experienced and seemingly rational denial by alcoholics that they are diseased.
But posing serious constraints are these realities: government rehabilitation facilities that are already strained in their capacity and expertise; private facilities’ charges that are beyond the means of average families; little knowledge in the Philippine medical field of addiction counseling; and criticisms that the Pavlovian approach of punishment and reward adopted in government facilities is not 100 percent effective.
A way
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is one alternative.
With more than two million members worldwide, the AA is a “fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.”
The group’s only requirement for membership is a person’s “desire to stop drinking.” There are no fees or dues. The group is sustained by the members’ contributions, in kind or deed (like clearing tables after meetings).
The local AA meets at 7:30 p.m. every day in the week, except Wednesday and Sunday. The Friday meeting is conducted in Cebuano.
Membership is open to all genders. Worldwide, women represent 35 percent of AA members.
The AA is not allied with “any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution.”
A member who attended this year’s national convention in Siquijor noted that the participant with the longest record of sobriety was a Mexican who had not touched alcohol for 50 years. The shortest record was owned by a Filipino, sober for two days.
But AA is not about keeping tally, observed the member. With the help of fellow sufferers and a God, “as (each member) understood Him,” the alcoholic lived “one day at a time,” free from the domination of drink.
(March 8, 2004 issue)
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