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Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Yap: Native intelligence
By Januar E.Yap
Meanwhile
Native intelligence, says one diminutive indio at the holy kanto, manifests in many ways. Here are some of them:
1. One with native intelligence believes social responsibility only comes as a form of vengeance. You lunge into an inevitable bakbakan only when you’re pushed to the extreme. One believes in “Inumpisahan nyo, tatapusin ko!” as a guiding principle in life.
2. One is a believer in cartoon physics. You only have one bullet left, so you put a knife right across your gun’s mouth so you split the shot. Bang! One with native intelligence strongly believes in the maxim: “Hitting two birds with one bullet.”
3. One doesn’t believe in debates, he is extremely laconic. If given the chance, he’d cut short the national anthem to the length of “Twinkle, twinkle little star …” and the presidential oath to “I swear” like some testimonial to quality shampoo.
4. One with native intelligence has a great grasp in life’s mathematics. He doesn’t need to study the whole complex idea of economics and foreign relations and all that jazz because he has in his mind a better theory than e=mc2. He has F=B+L+D (Filipino equals breakfast plus lunch plus dinner).
5. One’s weakness is the inability to identify rubbish when confronted by it. (Reason for this is that one probably “lived with it for too long that one wouldn’t be surprised by it even as it sits on one’s nose.”—Native Intelligence Anonymous Journal, 2004, p. 99, Loose Screw Publishing.)
6. One considers the future a kaleidoscope of possibilities. No one can tell the future and therefore it is senseless to draw out plans or visions or platforms of government. There is a hint of existentialism for one with native intelligence. He’d leap out of buildings at the first instance enemies come breaking one’s doors. He can cartwheel, somersault, roll like a cat, slip through manholes and still manage a sleek hairdo and neat shirt.
(e-mail: januariusmail@ yahoo.com; text: 0917-9525030)
(March 24, 2004 issue)
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