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Sunday, November 14, 2004
An affair not to remember
By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez
Singlestalk
Michelle: Infidelity is one of the most wrenching experiences a couple can endure. It can destroy families and crush spirits. It causes pain not just to the betrayed, but also to the cheater. So why do people do it?
Experts say that the reasons fall into two main categories. The first has to do with the relationship — there’s either an emotional disconnection or lack of intimacy. The second reason has nothing to do with the couple. Rather, one partner simply wants the excitement of an affair, needs an ego boost, or just feels entitled to have more fun – thus, more partners.
Darwin: My dad taught me the value of trust. It is almost absolute. Once it’s broken, people can still put things back together and make it whole but it will never be the same again. I think that’s one of the many solid foundations in every relationship. Women tend to label men as womanizers but there are women, too, who find it difficult to remain faithful to their men. And reasons vary from a major falling out to a full moon on a certain night that produce some really weird energy!
M: I read an article that says that in general, men are more likely to cheat for more superficial reasons, like the need for excitement, while women are more likely to stray if there is serious trouble in the relationship.
But those lines are also blurring. Where in the past there were significant gender differences, the traditional male affair that was primarily sexual is changing because more men are having more emotional affairs (meaning their feelings for the “other woman” go beyond just sexual) with female co-workers and friends. The article states an alarming detail - that women are also having more affairs. One reason it gives is that women now feel more entitled to enjoy their sexuality. So if they’re not satisfied, they are more likely to look elsewhere.
D: What we do not realize is that the more obsessed we are in exercising our freedom by indulging our wants, the more we are restricted because of our attachment to all these. I have learned my lessons. The thrill it brings is never worth the tension that comes with it. Besides, our noses could grow by a foot with all the lying involved! It isn’t always easy to shed crocodile tears or to manufacture our emotions. Go nuts, if you must, but get real. This is a dating relationship. We just have to truthfully make and stand by our decisions: to stay committed or go our separate ways. So guys and gals, before you decide to get jiggy with anyone, keep in mind that there is a big possibility of hurting yourself when you decide to play with fire.
M: With more men and women working together side-by-side, as peers, there’s an opportunity for deep emotional connections that didn’t exist in previous generations. We hear of stories of the boss who ran off with his secretary. But now there are also incidents of many men who are not traditional two-timers who form deep friendships with women and eventually cross the lines and become more emotionally intimate with them. And if there’s some sexual attraction and chemistry, that’s all they need for an affair.
D: I realize one should never jeopardize a blessed relationship in exchange for a new kick. When the buzz wears off, we’re left with crap and this is not a pleasant shock. If one decides to stay in a dating relationship, then one has to do whatever is expected to be done in one. And should one no longer keep up with the commitment after exhausting the means to save it, one has to honestly break himself or herself loose. Always remember that life is not a one-night party but a life-long journey. I was young once (I’m almost in tears, okay?) and I’ve learned that it’s always wise to make wise choices. Now go figure what’s a wise move. That’s where the challenge is!
M: Our lives must be grounded on values, like faith and trust, and we should see love not merely as a feeling but a commitment. If we have a good relationship, we are less likely to jeopardize it. But we must remember that it is essential that we have moral and spiritual values because they don’t restrict, they protect.
Email us at ssinglestalk@yahoo.com
(November 14, 2004 issue)
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