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Sunday, November 14, 2004
Lim: Reunions
By Melanie T. Lim
Seven months ago, I bumped into a high school schoolmate and the first words that came out of her mouth were words that should never be uttered to my face, at least, while I am alive, “Mel, you’ve gained so much weight.” “I can’t believe how fat you are.” If there is one way to ruin a woman’s day, this is how to do it.
I had just been through a particularly rough week and I did not need to hear anyone tell me I was fat. Yet, despite her nasty manners, I struggled to find something nice to say. Unfortunately, the word, “fat” had totally decimated my brain so I stood there, speechless—listening to her, going on and on about her great life.
Did I want to hear it? Of course not, I was too busy fighting to contain my desire to slap her. But God was on my side. Both of my hands were occupied with heavy shopping bags filled with breakables. So my hand never made it to her cheek.
Why do we dread reunions? I guess because for most of us, reunions are occasions to show what we’ve got, to show how far we’ve gone long after we’ve left school. And so when we believe we have nothing to show for, we believe we shouldn’t show up.
For women, reunions are particularly cruel because if the measure of success for men is money, the measure of success for women is marriage, motherhood and eternal youth and beauty. If you are single, childless and look worse than the last time your schoolmates saw you, you better not show up.
Or so I thought, for so many years. So I avoided reunions too. After all, I had no husband, no kids, no office with a view or a resume that headhunters would die for. And at my age and in my unmarried state, I should no longer be mired in poverty. So maybe, I should just crawl into a cave and never come out ever. But you know something? I won’t.
I am alive, happy and healthy. I work hard at what I do. I am passionate in my endeavors, purposeful in my actions, productive in my days. And although I am scorned by some, I will not stop believing in what I believe in.
I will continue to do what I love to do. And I will always seek perfection in whatever I pursue. I love and I am loved. I believe I am sane most times. I celebrate life on a daily basis. So why should it matter if I’m not a success by conventional societal standards?
Listen to those who defile you. I lost ten pounds smarting from the “fat” comment. And I owe that to the mean mouth. So I’m coming out of my cave on December 4, 2004 for the SHS-G Alumnae Homecoming Night at Casino Espanol—stronger, braver and triumphantly thinner. If you want to join me, call Sharon Go at 0917-6246168.
(sunstarcebucolumnist@yahoo.com.)
(November 14, 2004 issue)
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