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Thursday, December 30, 2004
Ng: Happier you in 2005
By Wired Desktop
Wilson Ng
RESOLUTIONS. It is the end of 2004. I will not talk about technology or corporate management this time, but simply the management of life —our lives.
As usual, the end of a year ushers in new year’s resolutions. I have heard one saying that he will no longer be late for work starting next year (which I find hard to believe, considering it has been ingrained in him for so many years).
Another one said he will finally lose weight. Others said they will work harder.
But if past records are any indication, most will not make it.
Why not just make a humble resolution that is quantifiable and attainable rather than have many ambitious ones and confuse yourself? Let me tell you: If you have to write it down and cannot even remember it without looking at your list, you probably won’t be able to do it. The more resolutions you have, the more you will end up doing none.
Among the new year’s resolutions, maybe you can also include the plan to forget past hurts. Let me tell you about an experience.
I once went on a trip with a businessman, and we were both inconvenienced by a hotel reservations officer. After a few days, I still kept mouthing to anybody that wanted to hear what an inconsiderate person he was, while my companion had already put it behind him, even recalling it with humor.
It made me realize that that was the reason he was a happier businessman than I—he looked forward, while I continued to emphasize looking backward. He had moved on, while I was letting a past experience fixate me on one spot (have you had an experience or a person you hated that made you do that?).
What is done is done. There is nothing you can do about it, except this—don’t let something that happened in the past continue to make you miserable! Why not just console yourself with the thought that the chap probably won’t last long in his job with his attitude anyway?
One of the most enduring anecdotes I have heard was told to me when I was in high school. It was told by our school principal, who emphasized the importance of being yourself and doing the right thing.
“A person happened to meet somebody with whom he had previously had a bad encounter. The person cheerfully greeted the person good morning. The other person promptly snubbed him.
“His friend asked him: ‘Don’t you feel slighted that you were snubbed? Why do you continue to greet him knowing that he has done you wrong and will snub you anyway?’”
“The person said: ‘Well, I feel that I do the things I think are right. Greeting him certainly is the right thing to do. That he snubbed me and chose to be discourteous should be his problem, not mine!’”
I continue to remember that. I know this is something that a Filipino will find hard to do. For all the talk about being pliant like a bamboo, the truth, I think, is that Filipinos are really a proud race, and there is nothing more serious or damaging to the pride of a Filipino than the experience of being snubbed. And I have heard many harsh exchanges and fights because of that.
Why not take the different approach? If the person is really so discourteous, or so snobbish as to be unbearable, instead of allowing him to make your life miserable, why not let him be? And while you are at it, why not thank God that you are not as odious or snobbish as he? If he is snobbish, shouldn’t that be his problem? Why make it yours?
It is now Christmas. It is the season to rejoice. It should also be a season to forgive—and forget.
Don’t keep those things to heart!
(Wilson keeps a log of his writing at www.bizdrivenlife.net.)
(December 30, 2004 issue)
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