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Friday, January 28, 2005
Sayson: Tony Parker’s bliss in the garden of Eva
By Homer Sayson
Second Overtime
CHICAGO – Besides the NBA, to which I am a perpetually mesmerized, there’s been only one television program since 1997 that gave me a real high. The show was aired on Fox TV. It was called “Ally McBeal,” and for many years she was my Tuesday night date.
Ally McBeal was a comedy-drama that revolved around the life of Ally and her eccentric office mates in a Boston law firm. Created by lawyer David E. Kelley, Michelle Pfieffer’s husband, Ally McBeal was impeccably scripted. It had compelling court scenes and the wickedly twisted plots took my breath away.
Ally’s character was played to a tee by the adorable Calista Flockheart, the longtime girlfriend of ageless macho man, Harrison Ford, aka Mr. Indiana Jones. Last I heard, their union is still strong, far from falling into the Temple of Doom.
Huh, I wish I could say the same about my first marriage.
Anyway, Ally McBeal signed off the air in 2002. I have since been looking for a TV show worth my hour in the couch.
Late September last year, I finally found what I was looking for. The show is called “Desperate Housewives.” It’s about the dramatic adventures and funny misadventures of five housewives looking for joy amid the suburban ennui on fictional Wisteria Lane.
The hit show averages 20 million viewers every Sunday night at ABC. Ermee and I are desperate devotees to this ABC series, tuning in religiously every 8-9 p.m. We don’t take calls at this coveted Sunday evening hour and even if an atomic bomb would drop while the show is on, we probably wouldn’t budge.
Sex kittens Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, Felicity Huffman, Nicolette Sheridan and Eva Longoria star as the Desperate Housewives. My wife loves them all; their outfits, their shoes, their cattiness, their everything. Except for Felicity, who has a no-nudity clause on her contract, the Desperate Housewives are often scantily clad, exposing more skin than a Victoria Secret catalog.
Gosh, I love them all for that.
But if I were to choose one Desperate Housewife as a favorite, Eva Longoria would be my No.1 draft pick. A former soap opera star (Young and the Restless), Eva is a smoldering creature that transcends my desire for the NBA. She stands only 5-foot-nothing, but as a former model, she has a body that is hand sculpted by angels.
While I was doing research for this column, I ran across Eva’s provocative Maxim magazine spread. I began sweating profusely and my pulse raced to a staggering 150 beats a minute. So to those who have heart problems and wish to ogle at Eva in a blazing red bikini, please do so only if your cardiologist is nearby.
In Desperate Housewives, Eva plays a character named Gabrielle Solis, a retired runway model who married for money and shamelessly carries on a steaming affair with her 17-year-old gardener. While watching the show, I suddenly had the urge to learn landscaping. Or swift careers as a hairdresser so I could at least fondle Eva’s hair.
In real life, however, Eva plays for only one team at a time. The Corpus Christi native used to be an item with N’Sync’s JC Chavez. But they have already gone splitsville, reports People Magazine.
Last Nov. 24, Eva was introduced to a 22-year-old dribbling hunk named Tony Parker. She has since been a staple at the SBC Center in San Antonio. T.P. is said to be madly in love. No wonder he is having the time of his life as a Spur, averaging 15.5 points, 3.5 rebounds and six assists per game.
She is 29. He is 22. He is a towering 6-foot-2, she is a gleaming 5-foot-2. Tony is a thick 177-pounder, Eva is thin as a dental floss. He was born in Belgium and raised in France, she is Texas-bred and wholesome as American pie.
Despite their differences, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker look like a perfect love match, “a romance” says a source close to the shifty point guard.
I’ve always believed that the Spurs will go all the way this season. And when I cover the 2005 NBA Finals, I shudder in the anticipation of meeting Eva Longoria in the flesh.
I have once trembled in the presence of Tim Duncan. But to be around the Garden of Eva, I think I will fly high, before fluttering like a wounded butterfly.
Tony Parker plays for a championship caliber team, a potential dynasty. He is young and he is handsome. And thanks to a recently signed six-year, $66 million contract extension, Parker is also mega rich. On top of all that, he is dating Eva Longoria, Hollywood’s hottest babe.
Rod Stewart was right, after all. Some guys just have all the luck.
(homsay@hotmail.com)
(January 28, 2005 issue)
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