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Thursday, February 24, 2005
Garcia: Caller ID
By Pablo John Garcia
Breakfast at Noon
I haven’t fully weighed the pros and cons of the national ID system.
But if the plan does push through, I’d like to be heard on what kind of ID card it will be. Certainly not the credit card type ID, for that would defeat the purpose. You can’t identify anyone whose ID card is in his wallet.
I’m thinking it should be a 3” x 5” laminated ID, common in private companies and government offices, with a colored (usually blue, green or red) lanyard worn around the neck. You’ve seen this, for sure. It not only has your picture on the front but has, printed in bold upper case letters, your nickname: “Bhong.”
It should be worn around the neck at all times.
Sure, it will be disorienting at first. You walk into a room and everybody’s calling you by your nickname. You ride a jeepney and the lady passenger beside you thrusts a P50 bill in your face, and says: “Bhen, will you please hand this over to the driver?” (On her breast it says “Dhoris”).
But imagine how convenient this will be for organizers of cocktail parties and conventions. That’s a lot of name stickers saved and yet everybody’s calling everybody else by their nicknames.
You spare yourself the embarrassment when someone in the mall approaches you with a wide smile on his face, asking, “Do you remember me?” Of course, Rhey. How could I forget you? When an unfamiliar face calls you from across a room, or calls from across a street, you shouldn’t need to worry. There’s always “caller ID.”
Given the possibilities, this proposal should be a breeze in Congress. In the next electoral campaign, Congressmen will not only be shaking hands, but will be calling everybody by their nicknames.
But let’s not forget the original purpose. This is the national ID system that will ensure security and preserve peace and order.
There will be no more “unidentified gunmen,” or “unidentified motorcycle-riding men.” Rhoderick did it. Jhobert held the victim down. Mhel served as the lookout. Said so on their IDs.
Finally, a police blotter that names its suspects. Now, go find them. Scour the city for matching IDs. You can’t miss them.
The bank robber wore a ski mask (what news reports usually call a “bonnet,” for some unexplained reason). Call in the cartographic artist. Yes, Sir, he was wearing a ski mask. Black. No, this one had smaller slits for eyes than the one you’re drawing. Yes, that’s about right.
Without the national ID system I’m proposing, this is where the police call it a “blank wall.” Not with this.
“Yes, Sir, below this head that was all covered with a ski mask, he had a neck. And around this neck was a blue lanyard with a clip ‘round the end. And on this clip at the end of the blue lanyard, Sir, was a 3” x 5” laminated ID card…”
It probably will take some time, but at least the police are now looking for “Jhun.”
(pablojohn@gmail.com)
(February 24, 2005 issue)
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