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Saturday, November 05, 2005
Espina: Stuck in the middle
By Cattski Espina
Til the Cat lady sings
I’m not a music genius, but I do have a personal outlook on being a musician. I remember a time I was just singing and not writing music, so I tried to recall how the latter began. In the process, I figured out that my being a musician has three probable stages, which made a lot of sense to me. This could also be the case for other artists whether they’re conscious of it or not.
The first stage is what I would like to call the cool stage. This is when you write your deepest feelings, but as you do, there is a consideration for the “cool”.
Too conscious about what sounds cool or not, you write to impress. You’re concerned about what the listeners will say, and one wants to make sure only a positive reaction to your song is elicited.
This is also the stage where you are too affected about what people say about your songs, or your band in general, for that matter. You don’t take criticism too well. You feel extremely flattered when they say good things about your songs and you take it seriously, too. You even think that the people who are not impressed with your work are just jealous of you.
Been there, done that.
The second stage is when you’re struggling to get rid of the cool stage. You are slowly coming to terms with yourself and have acknowledged your strong and weak points as a musician. You want to take advantage of what you do best and, although you’re finding it difficult to start, you are optimistic that you’re going to get it.
It’s also the stage when you’re starting not to care so much about other people’s standards. The best part is that you slowly discover that there is more to what you have experienced in the cool stage. You start to detach yourself from stereotypical songwriting techniques and regard what you truly want to express through your music.
But to get to this stage is really tricky. One cannot escape the fact that one has to contend with a dirty and almost apathetic industry. The need to survive would simply be a natural thing and, sometimes, this need lures you to think about what would easily please the audiences. It threatens to pull you back to the cool stage where you will be forced to compromise your music for a chance of getting heard.
Still, your need to get rid of the cool stage will be greater than your need for attention, and for as long as you have that inner desire to find your real voice, you could easily snap out of momentary puerile episodes. There is a balance to achieve even if you can’t quite grasp what it is yet.
The third stage is something I have yet to discover, so I don’t really know what to call it. I believe that this is the stage where you truly enjoy creative freedom and you won’t give a hoot about what people will say about it. You have discovered your true sound.
At this point, you’re simply cool, without much effort. Your music is as real as it can get - unique and authentic. Your music is not guaranteed to provide you with the trappings of fame and fortune, but you will feel rich just the same because of the respect and the appreciation you will get from the people around you. You will be truly inspiring. You will have the power to touch lives.
I used to tell myself that, sooner or later, I will have to stop making music. But realizing these make me think twice. I want to be able to reach the third stage because I don’t want to remain stuck in the middle. I believe that we shouldn’t leave room for regret and any unfinished business. I won’t stop because if I will, I know that my music will haunt me.
(November 5, 2005 issue)
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