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Thursday, November 17, 2005
Garcia: Market chic
By Pablo John Garcia
Breakfast at noon
IT used to be that in school, when you were underdressed, or had an incident involving clothing, a teacher would ask you if you were on your way to the Carbon Public Market.
“Where are you going? Carbon?” the teacher would ask. And you would scratch your head, wondering why you were suddenly involved in a conspiracy to buy fish, when all you wished was to rush back to class after a back-breaking hour of jolen.
You were too young then to return the compliment: “Something like that, Ma’am, although with a lot less to offer in terms of choices.”
This is not a column about how, ultimately, karma caught up with teachers and their unimaginative attempt at sarcasm, when there was much ado years ago about some of their kind selling foodstuff in class as if they were in (exactly) Carbon Public Market. Because I hear life’s a lot better for teachers, and what they really wish for these days is to have a roof over their classes like, say, the vendors over at Carbon Public Market.
No, this one is about resolution. You see, when you’re seven and you’re asked, “Where are you going? Carbon?” you sort of carry that with you the rest of your life. For some, it instills a terrible fear of being asked that question again, so they tend to overdress just so they won’t be asked if they were on their way to Carbon Public Market. Even if they were really on their way to Carbon Public Market.
The idea of wet market fashion is about to change, thanks to the Department of Agriculture’s Bureau of Agricultural and Fisheries Product Standards. I know the name may sound too institutional for fashion observers’ tastes, but I think we should give it a chance in this extreme makeover that’s about to settle the score of a lifetime.
In fact, the bureau’s initial fashion directives have been inspiring. “Vendors will not be allowed to wear sleeveless (shirts) anymore,” the bureau director said in an interview with SunStar Cebu. So sleeveless is out, which is a good thing because I can’t remember a time when it was “in” in the first place. Or as my wife puts it: “They’re called armpits for a reason.”
So we can expect that in the next few weeks, the bureau –- we should call it the fashion bureau –- will do the rounds of wet markets nationwide, and, a la Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, give market vendors a few tips on what’s hot and what’s not. “Rubber boots! I thought that went out with analog! There’s this cute little store called Alibaba that makes the most fashionable safety shoes ever.”
“Dusters? Dasters? Have you ever wondered why you couldn’t spell it? That’s because it wasn’t meant to be! There’s this quaint little boutique called...”
It won’t be an easy ride, but I’m confident. In its website, the bureau envisions a total lifestyle change, even proposing under Section 5.2.3 of their draft code, that wet market vendors “refrain from…sneezing, coughing…or behavior/habits that can compromise food safety.”
If you can stop somebody from coughing or sneezing, I think you can make “Where are you going? Carbon?” a point of pride instead of this gnawing pain that our generation has been suffering from for far too long.
(pablojohn@gmail.com)
(November 17, 2005 issue)
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