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Sunday, February 05, 2006
Luab: What did you do with your life?
By Evelyn R. Luab
Light Sunday
A two-day seminar with Dr. Ma. Teresa Gustillo Villasor opened the eyes, minds and hearts in people to so many possibilities, which could make anyone’s journey in life fulfilling and happy.
About 70 or more people enjoyed a fun-filled learning situation, which left us wanting for more yet the two days had to end.
I’ve always been the “serving” person in my family ever since I can remember.
Lately, through our Bible sessions with Sister Sonia Arao, we’ve learned that it’s definitely all right to serve ourselves, too. But old habits die last. For most mothers and wives, it is difficult to think of our selves first.
Our culture, especially the macho concept that wives are meant to please their husbands (influence of the geishas or the dons in the Spanish realm?), has taught Filipino wives to be subservient and subservient we were, to the point that we even prepared his coffee (1 tsp of decaf, 1/2 tsp of non-fat milk and 1 Equal). Wow! What else? Practically everything except to fetch his slippers. (The dog is supposed to do that) I certainly pray that wives don’t!
What struck me most was the example that Dr. Villasor gave us. She said, God would ask us, once we reach the pearly gates, “What did you do with the life I gave you?”
If you answered, “I made my family happy or I took care of a depressed area, or I funded the scholarship for indigents, etc.,” God would probably say, “I did not ask you what you did for the lives of others. I asked you, ‘What did you do with your life?’”
This particular statement jolted me. (I really am hard-headed, in spite of the “hundreds” of people who told me time and again that “I am a person, too.” For many of us wives, we have forgotten that we are persons deserving of respect, love and service, too. It really is time for us women to show our men that the Philippines is not a breeding ground of doormats!
Let us ask ourselves these questions:
1. Did they reach the present stature they now enjoy all by themselves? Definitely not. It was a partnership all the way through.
2. We took care of running noses, watery eyes, shrieks of pain perhaps from seven children or more.
3. To quote Dr. Dido, some wives even had to fetch tubig, yelo through just a grunt without even the magic word “please”!
Looking at the lighter side, we did all these without blinking our eyelash, very cheerfully, (sometimes with a sulk) but most of the time we did not think of the point of exhaustion, aches and emotional hurts.
We are not asking wives to rise up and ask for severance pay but we are now making wives reflect on how tired we are of being all-giving and not giving ourselves the time to be happy the way we want to be.
What do wives want? To be treated as equals, as soulmates. We do not want the rule of the whip accompanied by, “Oh, what do you want to make of this now?” statement. We are not domestic helps. We are helpmates! We do not want to receive glares, or eyes of contempt. Whatever else—we are not sex machines to be used (pardon the word) and discarded when not in use.
Am I painting a bleak picture of the Filipina wife? Yes. That’s why foreigners run after our womenfolk because we have been properly “tamed” from one generation to another. Don’t you think we should stop this concept of timidity now?
Self-worth, dignity and the right to be placed on a pedestal is the goal of every Filipina.
We are educated, some convent-bred, with doctorates and masters to our name. We are patient, industrious and many of us have varied talents related to music, arts, etc.
Filipinas are beautiful. The inner beauty we possess glows through our eyes. No matter how young or how old, we are beautiful!
So when the Lord asks us, “What did you do with the life I gave you?” Let us answer this way: “I had a happy and fulfilled life, Lord. I nurtured my body and my soul to the fullest. I developed my skills (the talents You gave me) and I shared all these with my family and my chosen community in the process of being happy myself.”
It is the responsibility of every person to be happy. We cannot be responsible for the happiness of others. They can only make themselves happy.
Being happy entails being true to the values, the ideals and the integrity we were imbued with.
Nobody else should be allowed to downgrade us, women. Definitely not our spouses, children, friends, etc.
We women must defend our right to live the life we really want to live within the realm of decency and God’s love and grace.
For Bisaya stories from Cebu. Click here. (February 5, 2006 issue)
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