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Sunday, March 19, 2006
Luab: The end of the rope
By Evelyn R. Luab
Light Sunday
When one reaches the end of the rope, what does one do?
One lets go and just freely falls. Where? Sometimes, one winds up in the gutter, as what some prostitutes do, or sometimes one ends up in a cart of hay and the fall is tempered with a soft bounce. If one is resilient enough, one will manage to stand up and walk again.
For many wives who have caught their husbands philandering for the nth time, or lying and cheating over and over again, they either file for annulment or just walk away. For them that’s the end of the rope. What happens to them next will depend on the mettle of the wife and her capability to survive alone financially.
For Bisaya stories from Cebu. Click here. (March 19, 2006 issue)
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I take my hat off to single parents who have managed to make a go of life without their errant husbands.
Many men believe that tuhik-tuhik lang is no crime. (Picking up little grains of infidelity and not swallowing the grains is no crime.) To them, as long as there is no lasting commitment to the mistress and the poor blind, ignorant, stupid wife is not neglected, then what crime has been committed?
However, there comes a time when the phrase tama na, sobra na is reached (the limit of endurance is reached) when wives just pack up their bags and leave. For many men, at the height of their affair, the wives’ exodus is no big deal. They even feel relieved. “Wa na gyud ang samokan.” (The irritant has left!) Sometimes, when the marriage has reached this stage, it is best that both spouses separate. The wound of infidelity is hard to heal and even if it does heal, the scar will show.
Some Filipino women nowadays belonging to all ranks of society can be bought, if the price is right.
One only has to look at eating places where foreigners, old enough to be grandparents, manage to have 16-year-olds clinging to their arms, like a prize catch of rabbit or deer. Only a few weeks ago I called the attention of three teenagers from the E class, who were gyrating and dancing among themselves in the lobby in front of the French Baker. I told them, “Ayaw ana, ‘day, pakauwaw mo sa mga Filipina.” (Stop what you are doing. You are a shame to the Filipina!) They were a bit chagrined. However, when I came back, they were already seated at this coffee shop, trying to draw attention to themselves while several people were gawking at them. How sad! The call of the dollars can be stronger than shame.
Our men are no saints, either. You see dirty old men (DOMs) frequenting bars, and karaoke joints where hospitality girls abound. No wonder salesmen, and commission agents run afoul of their quota when the money collected for their company goes into the pockets of these girls.
Why have we sunk so low? Both spouses cannot even uphold the sanctity of marriage. So why get married in the first place?
That is a question, which should be pondered on before taking the giant step.
The end of the rope for many of us could mean other things, too. Sometimes, we are so burdened with debts that we no longer know who to turn to, or how to ward off the collectors. Some abscond with the company’s money or jump off a bridge. Others get to be so fed up with a son who has succeeded in getting himself expelled from a school after so many suspensions. When finally this son gets to be a drug dependent and is caught in one of the robberies his gang has committed, one or two parents might just give up and say, “It’s the end of the rope for me son. I am letting you go.”
When I was so young, I wondered how come one mother allowed her pregnant teenage daughter to leave their house and live with her boyfriend without help from her own parents. I guess her mom must have given up on her, too.
Usually the rope of patience is long and strong. Normally it takes more than one act of infidelity before the wife throws in the white towel.
Normally an alcoholic of a husband is forgiven over and over again in spite of the beatings the wife receives during his drunken spree. It takes a great many beatings before the wife concedes that what could cure him would be Alcoholics Anonymous.
Gambling wives who get addicted to mahjong or the casino usually are tolerated by spouses under the excuse “she has to have her joys, too.” So, until the money for the tuition is lost again and again at the gambling table or when there is no more food on the table, that’s when certain husbands let go of the rope.
GMA has been beleaguered left and right by critics, by rebels and by presidential wannabes. I guess her Proclamation 1017 was her way of saying. “This is the end of the rope for me. I’ve had enough of your disrespect! Now you toe the line!” Right or wrong, she must really have reached the limit of her patience. Time will tell whether 1017 was the bounce we needed to get back on our feet or was our downfall.
All of us surely must have felt, at one time or the other, like reaching the end of our rope. We may even have been tempted to let go. I guess we Filipinos are a tenacious race. We do not let go readily. The year 2006 should be a year of strengthening our hold on our respective ropes of patience and endurance. We may just survive if we cling with hope, determination and the will to make good with whatever little we have! |
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