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Sunday, March 19, 2006
Lim: Private moments
By Melanie T. Lim
The most wonderful part of the day for me is at two in the morning-when the streets are quiet, when the phones are silent, when not a soul stirs in the house I live in.
I can almost pretend I will not hear about the problems of other people in the morning. I can almost pretend the silence will last just a little bit longer than it usually does. I can almost pretend I can erase my pain, prolong my bliss and maybe, if I’m very lucky-be able to change everything I am unhappy about when I wake up. Not where I expected to be at this point in my life-but then again, life is full of surprises. Maybe, that’s why I don’t like surprises.
Because I have lived in the city all my life and along a busy street, I savor Sundays and holidays when there are fewer cars and people on the road. I like going to the mall first hour in the morning because there are few shoppers milling about. My sister says all the scenarios I paint are bad for business. Well, maybe that’s why I don’t have a business.
But if I did, would I be any happier? I doubt it-I would just be grumpier.
Because I have lived with a rather noisy and boisterous family all my life, I savor silence whenever I have it. It’s not that I don’t like the stories, the humor, the variety of opinions. But when debates and discussions serve no purpose other than to satisfy a person’s lust for attention and greed to be right, it feels rather exhausting. I have arrived at a point in my life when I just want to retire from playing and playing with the Devil’s advocate.
At my age, is peace and quiet too much to ask? I actually believed the day I stopped pining for a man would be the day I bid all heartbreak good-bye. What a fool I was to believe I could isolate myself from pain without living in a cave.
For as long as one does not quit human contact and communication, pain cannot ever be an optional accessory in life.
And so I escape between twelve to four each day to a world I pretend exists-a world I can shape to my fantasy of one that cannot ever be reached or breached. From midnight to four in the morning are my private moments inviolable-when I am able to think, write, ponder. The rest of the day I am compelled to live like most mortals-inexorably drawn into the vortex of pain-because outside the cave, heartbreak is inevitable.
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If you have USED but SERVICEABLE BLACK SCHOOL SHOES, the students of The Holy Cross College of Carigara in Carigara, Leyte, would appreciate your donations of school shoes for either boys or girls, from ages 10 and up. In Cebu, call Jossie or Bel between 8am-5pm from Mon to Sat at 253-3164.
Collection in Cebu will end on March 31. For those who wish to ship directly to Leyte, contact Sister Anthony Kuizon, OSF, Directress of The Holy Cross College of Carigara,Leyte at (053) 3312099. Many thanks to those who responded to this request last week.
(Email: sunstarcebucolumnist@yahoo.com)
For Bisaya stories from Cebu. Click here. (March 19, 2006 issue)
Write letter to the editor.Click here.
Join the Sun.Star message board.Click here. |
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