|
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Does my husband value His relatives more than me?
Dear Dra. Ruiz,
I’ve only been married a year and I’m very happy with my husband. My only problem with him is that when his sister, my sister-in-law, visits us from out of town (she lives in Bohol), it’s like he gives her more importance than me.
For example, we celebrated our first anniversary last January. At the time, his sister and her husband were staying with us for Sinulog. Would you believe he totally forgot our anniversary? He was so concerned about where he was going with his sister that day that he didn’t even greet me. I had to remind him about what day it was, and only then did he remember.
And that’s not the first time he’s been absent-minded about me whenever he has a relative in town. Another time was when his brother was here from Cagayan and they went pasalubong shopping. I was meeting a friend for lunch so we just agreed that they would fetch me at the restaurant after my lunch date so I wouldn’t have to take a taxi home. But at our agreed time, they still weren’t there. I tried calling his cellphone but it just kept ringing. After waiting for him for 30 minutes, I was all ready to just take a taxi when my cellphone rang and it was him. He said that he lost track of time because he and his brother watched a movie, and he had put his phone in silent mode so he didn’t know I called. Can you believe that?
Anyway, I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive about this, but sometimes I feel like he values them more than he values me. But I’m his wife now, and I believe I’m entitled to my fair share of his attention. What do you think, Doctora? Am I just overreacting or do I have a point?
Mrs. B
Dear Mrs. B,
It’s a cliché that married people have difficult relations with their in-laws. It could be because each side is wary of the other, mindful of the intrusion by one in the other’s affairs.
In your case, I don’t see that it’s any big deal that your husband gets flustered whenever his family is around. After all, it’s not like he totally abandons you or chooses his family over you in significant matters. It’s possible that he’s been used to taking care of his family, seeing to their needs, that whenever they’re around he just automatically reverts to his long-standing role, without any intended offense to you.
So he’s probably still adjusting to his newer role of being your husband, which includes being there primarily for you before anyone else. What you should do is help him in his adjustment. Maybe you can gently, or even teasingly, remind him whenever he starts to neglect you in favor of his blood relatives. Just make sure to choose your language and tone carefully so you don’t make a big issue out of something that’s actually just a minor irritant.
And while you’re at it, remember that you’re far luckier than other married people out there who put up with even more intrusions from in-laws than you do. At least your in-laws just come over occasionally and live a good distance away. Imagine if you were living within walking distance from each other, or even worse, living under the same roof! Not that I’m saying all in-laws are bad, but we’ve heard our fair share of horror stories in that regard to say that you’ve been spared a possible ordeal, so count your blessings while you’re at it.
Very truly yours,
Fe Mantua-Ruiz, M.D.
How can I get rid of the calluses on my feet?
Dear Doctora Dana,
Ever since I’ve been in high school, I’ve had problems with calluses on my feet. I think it’s because I was always wearing closed leather shoes as part of our school uniform. When I got to college where there was no uniform and we could wear any kind of shoes, I started wearing sandals or rubber shoes only. The calluses disappeared.
But last year, when I started working and we could only wear closed shoes with at least a one-inch heel, my calluses have come back. And now they’re even getting darker. So during weekends, when I want to wear strappy sandals to show off my pedicure, they’re really obvious because of my fair complexion. I get really conscious about them.
Is there any cream or special treatment you can recommend that can help me get rid of calluses? I really need your help, Doctora. Hope to hear from you soon.
Thank you very much and more power to your column!
Betsy
Dear Betsy,
A callus is your body’s way of protecting your feet from pressure. When pressure gets extreme, the callus gets thicker and thicker, and if it develops a hard core, it becomes a corn.
Here are some alternatives to help you get rid of your calluses:
Soak feet in a solution of Epsom salts and warm water, then smooth on a moisturizing cream. This will provide temporary relief for the pain.
Soak your feet in very diluted chamomile tea. This will soften the hard skin. Then use a pumice stone to slightly scrape the area and rub off the top layer of skin. Finish by applying hand cream to the area. Do this as part of your daily routine after showering or bathing.
Crush five to six aspirin tablets into a powder. Mix this into a paste with half a teaspoon of water and calamansi juice. Apply this to the hard spots. Then put your feet into a plastic bag and wrap a warm towel around it. The combination of plastic and warm towel will make the paste penetrate the hard skin. Let it sit for ten minutes. Unwrap your feet and scrub them with a pumice stone. All the dead, hard and callused skin should come loose and flake away easily.
It’s also important not just to get rid of your calluses but to prevent their recurrence. The most common cause of calluses forming is poor-fitting shoes. Here are some guidelines to getting a better fit:
Be sure to try on both the left and the right shoe. Stand during the fitting process, and check to see that there is adequate space (about one-half inch) for your longest toe at the end of each shoe.
Make sure that the shoe fits snugly at the heel, and that the ball of your foot fits snugly into the widest part of the shoe.
Shop for shoes at the end of the day, when your feet are likely to be slightly swollen.
Don’t buy shoes that feel too tight, expecting them to stretch out. If they don’t feel right in the store, they will never fit comfortably. They should not need to be stretched.
Have several different pairs of shoes so that you don’t wear the same pair day after day. Alternating your shoes is a wise move, not only for your feet but for the shoes.
I hope these tips will help you get rid of your calluses for good.
Very truly yours,
Dana Ruiz-Sesante, M.D.
For Bisaya stories from Cebu. Click here. (April 30, 2006 issue)
Write letter to the editor.Click here.
Join the Sun.Star message board.Click here. |
|
[return to top]
[home]
[network page]
|
LOCAL NEWS
BUSINESS
OPINION
SPORTS
LIFESTYLE
FEATURE
SUPERBALITA
WEEKEND
|
