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Sunday, June 18, 2006
Indecision over a former boyfriend
Dr. Dana Ruiz-Sesante
women’s world
Dear Dra. Dana R. Sesante,
I’m one of the many readers of your valuable column. It really completes my Sunday just reading those problems from other people and your valuable pieces of advice.
And now I’m one of those having problems regarding an ex-boyfriend who’s coming back to me. It really bothers me a lot, although I love him very much. I guess he’s not worthy of my love because, you see, he also has this girlfriend who was my former classmate in high school. She was also my best friend then.
To give you an idea about my problem, here is a brief history of my relationship: It was in July 2000 when I first met him. Let us call him Allan.
My best friend introduced him to me (let’s call her Mabel). I was a transferee in that school and didn’t know that Mabel had a big crush on Allan, but Allan liked and courted me. Our relationship lasted from September that year to July 2003.
Allan and I became very close. Our parents became very close, too, as well as my brothers and sisters. But I broke up with him because of so many reasons: we had no quality time, his vices, barkadas and fading love. I thought I had already got over him, but every time he called me, this feeling that I thought was lost is found again.
Now, we are all professional registered nurses – Allan, Mabel and I, although we graduated from different schools.
My trouble now is that I gave him another chance – a one-month ultimatum where he had to choose between me and Mabel.
Last March 19, we made an agreement and he confirmed that by April 19, he would have a decision already. But I doubt it, because since that day, he never bothered to call me to give his decision. You know what, I think he believes that he can still deceive me.
Doctora, I have learned that in the three years that we were separated, he was involved in many relationships. I doubt his honesty already; I honestly believe that I can already live without him. Many friends have told me to find another man to fill my emptiness, but I know deep inside that I am not empty. I believe that the Lord Almighty will not abandon me when I am facing my problems and failures in life.
I would really appreciate it if you could help me clear my head. My heart says “go back to him,” but my mind contradicts this and reminds me of his negative traits.
I’m hopeful that your advise will bring order and peace to my confused mind.
Many thanks in advance and more power!
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth,
This may seem moot and academic now, inasmuch as the ultimatum date you gave to your ex- boyfriend has already lapsed. I regret not having answered your letter sooner due to the first-come-first–served policy we adhere to.
Regardless of what transpired on April 19th, I still consider the relevance of pointing out to you your lack of trust in his sincerity. It must have hurt you, but you were naïve enough to express your doubt about honesty and fidelity.
This being the case, it would be prudent for you to review why you broke up with him the last time. Among other things came the reasons that he was two-timing you with your good friend Mabel and that he had vices and barkadas unacceptable to you.
You claimed to have gotten over him. Your mind tells you that he is someone from the past, but some phone calls from him, and then your heart tells you that you still love him very much. This is the root cause of your confusion.
Elizabeth, before you can move on and tackle your future, you first have to deal with the past. Although you claimed to have gotten over Allan, the truth of the matter is that you still loved him, all those years that you were supposed to have broken up.
Until the time that you can really, truly see and acknowledge that painful reality that he had taken you for granted in the past, you will continue to carry the torch for him.
That you are again having second thoughts about his faithfulness and truthfulness, should perhaps make you take steps to give yourselves more time. Although it is sometimes a good idea to have target dates, in matters of the heart, sometimes it’s wiser to let time take its own course.
Courtship is a prelude to marriage. If your beloved can afford to hurt you and be dishonest with you during courtship, it’s a good bet to assume that he’ll not be any different when you’re already married.
I’m happy to note that you are a woman with a strong faith in God. He promised that to those who ask, He will give. What He gives is always for your own good. Believe it, claim it and it is yours.
May God bless you now and always.
Truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante M.D.
Brushing the tongue against bad breath
Dear Dr. Dana R. Sesante,
I have been following your Women’s World column because I learn a lot about matters of the heart, as well as matters of health.
This is about the problem concerning bad breath or halitosis. I would like to add that regular tooth brushing and dental flossing are not enough. One has to clean the tongue.
Actually, the tongue is a place where bacteria are plentiful. This accumulation of bacteria can also cause bad breath.
Also, regular use of mouthwash can help prevent or minimize chances of halitosis.
I hope I am able to pass on to your readers the above tips.
More power.
Juvy
Dear Juvy,
Thank you for your concern. Thank you also for going out of your way to be helpful.
Yes, it’s true that for many people, brushing and flossing are all the care they give their teeth. Tongue cleaning is something alien to them.
But care should be taken to clean the tongue. Brushing the tongue with an ordinary toothbrush may dull one’s taste buds. The firm bristles of ordinary toothbrushes are not suitable for the tongue with its soft tissues. So go easy on brushing your tongue.
You may ask your dentist about tongue cleaners. These new breed of dentists can refer you to a particular brand.
Regarding the use of mouthwashes, particularly the alcohol- based kind, more often, they merely mask the odor. For your information, alcohol dries up one’s skin. Alcohol –based mouthwash also dries up the tongue.
Truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante M.D.
For Bisaya stories from Cebu. Click here. (June 18, 2006 issue)
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