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Sunday, June 25, 2006
Seeking redress over an adopted
By Dr. Dana Ruiz-Sesante
Women’s world
Dr. Dana Ruiz-Sesante
Women’s world
Dear Dr. Dana,
Greetings from your fans of Women’s World! My relatives and friends prodded me to seek counseling from you regarding this big family problem that we are facing.
After all of us three sisters and two brothers got married, raised our families and maintained our respective homes, our parents adopted the son of our aunt. They adore him and treat him more lovingly than any of us, their own children.
At present, the boy is second year college law student. The problem is his behavior. He’s over-confident over his status. He forgets that he is only adopted; worst of all, he is not even legally adopted. Our parent’s househelper, who hates his presence at home, said this man has slowly drained the wealth of our parents. Obviously he is “feeling rich.” He is too demanding and spends money like water.
One time, I told my sisters and brothers about this impending disaster. My two sisters, who are now living in USA, seemed disinterested. They didn’t even answer my letter. All of us here in Cebu confronted our parents about this matter. In our frustration, we warned them that we might bring this to court. In return, they told us that it was none of our business and that for as long as they are alive, they can do anything they want with whatever property they own; that everything is at their discretion.
Kindly give us a piece of your mind. Thank you for your concern.
Mabel
Dear Mabel,
The court of law should be the last venue to seek redress. Where at all possible, a family matter should be addressed with utmost discretion and reflection.
It seems that from the start, you and the members of the family and household held nothing but antipathy for this cousin of yours. That’s understandable because of the way you describe him is really antipatico.
However, you may have over-reacted by confronting your parents directly about the preferential treatment they give to your cousin. After all of you left home, your cousin became the central figure in the lives of your parents. It is not, therefore, surprising that he may have been spoiled by your parents—giving in to all his demands and requests alike. No wonder he has become a brat.
As in all things, we’re always wiser in hindsight. In retrospect, I would say you should have not done this or that. I’m sure your parents must have been slighted when you confronted them, especially if your approach was demanding and abrasive. Placed on a defensive position, your parents must have dared you to go to court.
I suggest that on matters legalese, you should see a good lawyer; ideally an old lawyer friend who has known the family for years; one who may be sympathetic to your predicament. He would be in better position to give you prudent legal advice.
What can I tell you now is to refrain from antagonizing your old folks. As a parent yourself, you know that most of the threats we hurl against our children, especially in anger and frustration, are only ways to ventilate our anger.
As soon as viable, go to your parents to make peace and appease their hurts—the sooner, the better. Mend those fences and heal those wounds, not only for matters temporal (as in inheritance and such), but also for spiritual (peace of mind).
You may not have your parents around for long. Let them enjoy the fruits of their labor in the ways that will make them thank God for having you as their daughter.
Love them more and in return they will love you and your family much, much more.
Truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante M.D.
Small, ‘flat fronts’
Hi! I am an avid reader of your column. Somehow, your column gives the comforting fact that I am not alone in suffering certain girl issues.
I am 16, an incoming college freshman and I am flat-chested. I mean, flaaat-chested. I don’t know. Is there something wrong with my hormones or something? Is it still normal for a girl of my age to have breasts like those of a pre-pubescent
12-year-old? It is really small; sometimes I have to stuff padding in my bra to make them look bigger and uplifted.
I get so insecure when I hang out with my friends because they have well-developed breasts while I do not. They don’t know about this problem of mine and neither does my mother. I am too embarrassed to talk to someone about this. Well. . . except you. Please tell me what could have gone wrong in the hormone factory of my body.
Looking forward to your answer.
Ms. Flat Front
Dear Ms. Flat Front,
You’re fine the way you are. Most models are flat-chested, too. There’s nothing wrong with you, except perhaps that you have inherited the gift that does not allow you to have big boobs. But that should be the least of your worries because nowadays, cosmetic surgery could be the answer; you can be size 34 or 44. But do you really want that?
All right, okay, if you must, just exercise can help the breast to become firm. Oh, to be 16 again.
Cheers!
Truly yours,
Dr. Dana Ruiz Sesante M.D.
Dana Ruiz-Sesante, M.D. owns and operates Ruiz Derma & Spa which offers a wide selection of beauty services such as ionto/micro, facial treatment, acne treatment, nose lifting/trimming, eyebag removal; cyst, wart & mole removal; skin bleaching, unwanted hair removal, virginity restoration, slimming program, body therapy, salon service, and chair massages. They have branches at SM City Cebu, Ayala Center, Escario, Mambaling, Marina Mall (Lapu-Lapu), and their latest branch is at the Wave Mall, Pres. D. Macapagal Blvd, Makati City. They can be reached thru fax no. 253-9362 or via email at ruizderma@yahoo.com
For Bisaya stories from Cebu. Click here. (June 25, 2006 issue)
Write letter to the editor.Click here.
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