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Sunday, June 25, 2006
Lim: Going solo
By Melanie T. Lim
The paper’s special report on “Going Solo” is apt.
Whether or not those who see separations as sinful choose to accept it, today, separations are rife. Marriages are breaking up in record numbers. It’s a “social reality” difficult to ignore. And it’s not happening in far-away God-forsaken hedonistic societies, it’s happening right here in our ultra-conservative predominantly Catholic communities.
Old folks are quick to pass judgment on the statistics. They say that people these days are unwilling to endure the trials and tribulations of marriage, hence, the propensity to jump ship at the first fight over the remote control.
Old folks exaggerate. But in essence, they are right. People have changed.
Many women, these days, are unwilling to accept shameless freeloaders or serial adulterers. Women have realized that marriage is not license for a man to beat you up or force you into sex. Women have learned that they are human beings who should not only be given the right to vote but also the right to live a life free from pain, intimidation and fear.
Women are no longer as docile, forgiving or gullible—-education, emancipation and empowerment changed all that. The bottomless pit of forgiveness has all dried up. And for good, I must say.
But men have changed too. Many men, these days, do not bat an eyelash when their wives write the checks to pay all the bills—--all the time. Many men refuse to share in child-care duties. Many men have forgotten that marriage is a partnership of two people who must each contribute something into the marriage. Many men sadly contribute only their sperm to the partnership.
But it is not always the men who hurt, abuse and injure. There are also women who bring pain to their families by abdicating from their responsibilities as parents and partners to a marriage. Immaturity is not a trait exclusive to men.
Yes, people have changed. And perhaps, such is the cause for the demise of many marriages.
But if marriages are breaking up because people now demand higher standards and greater values in their unions, then I say, let us grieve not but rejoice instead for having found the courage to refuse to compromise on love and loyalty, respect and responsibility, honor and honesty.
Not once have I ever imagined that those who have stayed married for 50 years are any better than those who did not last five years. At the end of the day, the question remains, “What did it cost you to stay in your marriage?” Whatever it is, let the answer never be your soul.
It is not your capacity to endure but your capacity to see right from wrong that determines the quality of your relationships in life. The decision to stay or walk away is a difficult one to make. But all you have to do is to ask yourself this question, “Is it going to cost me my soul to stay?” If the answer is “yes,”--–it’s time to go solo.
(sunstarcebucolumnist@yahoo.com)
For Bisaya stories from Cebu. Click here. (June 25, 2006 issue)
Write letter to the editor.Click here.
Join the Sun.Star message board.Click here.
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