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Monday, July 31, 2006
Editorial: Taming men
THESE grandmothers are ambivalent about the so-called good old times.
Maria Pino-Buanghug and Lucy Libongcogon, president and treasurer of the Cebu City United Vendors Association (CCUVA) respectively, recall that certain cultural mores favored women giving birth in the past.
For one, childbirth was believed to put a woman at the risk of cutting her lumawig, an artery representing the lifeline. Although Libongcogon says this belief was more fancy than medical fact, it swayed many men, making them docile after a birthing.
Buanghug recalls that she did not have to stir from bed as her husband fed her with chicken broth to bring back her strength. Libongcogon reminisces that her partner even bathed her and the older children.
The old beliefs required men to be hands-on, not just with their wives but also with their newborn. The father had to personally bury the placenta. He had to wash his partner’s clothes soiled during the birth, making sure the blood was washed away by a quickly moving stream, and not stagnate in a pool. He also had to launder daily the newborn’s clothes without making so much as a whimper. All these would ensure that the child will grow up obedient to his will.
Changing times
But not all of the old beliefs favored women. Buanghug says that equating every child as grace bestowed on couples spawned the perception that “more was better” where children were concerned. When a fellow vendor gave birth to her 18th child at the age of 47, the men congratulated the husband Taul for being kugihan (prolific) but the women silently sympathized with Lumen, saddled with a dozen and a half mouths to feed.
The times have brought changes, not all of them helpful for women, says Buanghug. Libongcogon points out that iniring (like having kittens) is more the rule than the exception these days, with a woman vending immediately right after giving birth so her family can eat.
According to Buanghug, most men consider the family as the woman’s responsibility while earning is the man’s sole obligation. But as a kargador (porter) in Carbon only earns about P300 daily-much of it used for his meals to compensate for the heavy work, drinking to “wash away” fatigue, with an occasional bet to “maintain” his lucky number in the lottery-there’s little bread left to turn over to his partner, who is in greater need of a miracle to feed six children, the average number in CCUVA families.
The association, which counts 68 vendors’ organizations with 10,000 members in Cebu City, Mandaue and Talisay, was among the early partners of the government’s family planning (FP) drive. CCUVA is currently the lead convenor of the Metro Cebu Community Advocacy Network, which pilots FP discussions in eight urban barangays in Cebu City and one in Mandaue.
Although the intention then was to emphasize responsible parenting to secure a better future for one’s children, Buanghug recalls that campaigns in the ’70s and ’80s focused too much on the women, feeding the misconception that planning families was a female matter that did not require men’s cooperation.
Clipping wings
Men rule, Buanghug states this unvarying principle in her fellow vendors’ domestic affairs. The dominance may be subtle-the casual reference, “si Lumen ni Taul (Taul’s Lumen),” reduces the woman into mere appendage or chattel—or omnipresent, from giving precedence to male gratification during intercourse (“nagpagamit lang ko (my partner used me)” captures the submission of women as the only option to escape quarrelling or battering) to practicing family planning.
The CCUVA officials support the recent shift of FP campaigns from female to couple. After decades of witnessing how birth control pills ended up as nutrients for gamecocks and potted plants, Buanghug says that advocacy work for reproductive health (RH) is now sensitive to gender, age and education.
To deal with male hang-ups and fears, the so-called enlightened talk to their fellow males. Buanghug says that in Ermita, Barangay Chief Felicisimo Rupinta and the tanods are effective as FP-RH counselors. Their brand of machismo emphasizes family security, not number of children or variety in wives.
Although not all men can be tamed into becoming “angels with penises,” some consent to have their wings clipped, figuratively speaking. Buanghug says CCUVA’s first member to submit for vasectomy was a 27-year-old kargador with four children.
In Junior’s case, as well as in others, economic difficulties acted powerfully in conjunction with advocacy work. Buanghug observed that the men who volunteered for vasectomy or urged their partners to seek tubal ligation were also involved in raising their children. Stressed from selling fried bananas to feed eight children, Islao went under the knife. The couple now sells lovebirds in Carbon, says Buanghug.
As for the men who still think first about their pleasure, many CCUVA women just get an injection, which prevents pregnancy for three months, without telling their partners. Since time immemorial, women have always done the thinking and acting, when men can’t or won’t.
For Bisaya stories from Cebu. Click here. (July 31, 2006 issue)
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