Sunday, October 15, 2006 Moises and Mendez-Palmares: Happily singled-in! By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares Singles talk
Michelle: Many say 30 is the new 20 but there are some women pushing 30 who do not share the same sentiment because they think 30 is a milestone moment when they should be married already. There is a crisis of some sort when women reach a certain age and become anxious with their state of life. They think that it’s a crime that they’re still single and that they should be walking down the aisle to get married to the man of their dreams. I wish they would think differently. And wish that women shouldn’t be pressured to get married just because they think that marriage will complete them, make life better or more exciting or that marriage is a better state of life than being single. I enjoyed my single life and now that I’m married, sometimes look back with fondness and a bit of nostalgia those days when I was young(er), free and single.
Darwin: There isn’t much pressure really for guys to settle down. We are at times compared to wine --- we get better as we age. This doesn’t have to mean we need to age for us to get better. Haha! Thus, we need not have to deal with prying questions from scoop vampires as much as women are often subjected to. Come to think of it. It’s cool to be single living in these exciting times, to be full of passion, to suck out all the marrow of life, to live deliberately, to be more free to seize the day and make our lives extraordinary! There really is no need to worry. Don’t get me wrong. I am not the type who feasts on weekend revelries. I have learned to take life in slow, languid sips as opposed to three straight shots of tequila! And I know other singles who thrive for weekends for some detox after laboring in the salt mines on weekdays, for some solitude and well, for just good ol’chilling. Being single does not really mean total deprivation. If you happen to be single or if you happen to know anyone and you want to ask why, relax! Being single is hardly Scrooge-like. Haha!
M: Prying questions about still being single shouldn’t bother many of those who are still single. But those questions do sometimes bother and irritate because it unnecessarily puts pressure on one who still may not be sure if she is ready to move forward, have a relationship or get married. Being single is a great time to make oneself better equipped to handle life. We have to learn independence, self-discipline, self-love and a host of other virtues that will make us well-rounded individuals. You have to complete yourself before you seek to complete another individual. You have to accept and understand yourself before you accept and understand another person. Marriage is a different matter altogether. It comes with its own set of challenges that if you as a single person are unprepared to handle, would make it doubly hard to deal with when you get married.
DJ: Being single is not really like a death sentence. It has its advantage too! First, we only have our self to consider when coming up with an important decision. We need not have to squeeze every molecule of our brain to answer the call of duty. We are more free to be objective on our decision. Second, we’re more flexible. We can move from one place to another at almost anytime. If one day we realize we need to be in Tibet in our quest for our personal legend, or help the needy, the poor and the oppressed somewhere in Africa or join the Amazing Race, bring it on! Third, we can afford to take more risks. We can get into business, change career path, take a part in the Survivor Series or even vie for a slot in the Guinness Book of World Records. We have almost infinite options having no primary being to consider other than your own limitations. The downside is we’re like soldiers most of the time. We need to be ready for whatever life throws our way. And we have no one to run for cover once we screw up. The half-full side of things though is we are more free to give and receive whatever life brings.
M: That’s true. Singlehood offers a lot of freedom and a lot of space for you to grow and discover your self and your self-worth. I’m not saying that marriage is limiting or that you don’t grow because you really do grow as a person when you get married (what with the responsibilities not only for yourself but for your husband and family). But being single offers choices that you can afford to take, risks that you yourself will be responsible for whatever the consequences, and time solely just for yourself to do whatever you want...well, those who are married should also have time just for themselves but that’s another topic...haha!
DJ: I understand life becomes more complicated as we age. We’re way past the time when our biggest concern is passing Physics lab reports and not filing income tax returns. Society often tells us, by default, that one should be married at a certain age to become happier, to be more secure and complete. That means that if one remains single, at times it is viewed of a symptom of a “defect” or something that can drive a person to the pits of despair. But frankly, there is no absolute answer on why one should stay single or why one should get married other than one’s purpose. There is a state of life that is appropriate to each one of us. There is nothing and no one who can give us security other than our selves and our Maker. Being single or being married does not and cannot guarantee fullness of life. There are happy singles just as there are miserable married couples. There are also bliss-filled unions just as there are singles who lead a wretched life. So if you’re single and unattached and Christmas is fast approaching, don’t let this dampen your spirit. You can choose to be cool even if you’re alone in this cold season. You are not alone. I am with you in spirit. Haha! Smile and the world will smile back at you! Seek for good things and you will find it. The world has so much of it. Don’t worry! Be happy!
