Sunday, November 26, 2006 Lim: Time By Melanie T. Lim Wide Awake
Many people clock watch. So do I.
I like to watch the clock but for reasons vastly different from most people who do. I watch the clock and wish it would move slower. Not faster.
Sometimes I fantasize that God actually slows down the hands of my clock to give me an extra hour. These fantasies usually visit after 12 midnight when still reeling from less than five hours of sleep the night before, I see a ton of work on my desk that desperately needs to have been done yesterday.
I have a clock at almost every room in the house. And the second most important one, next to the one on my bedside, is the one firmly planted on my bathroom mirror. It would be tempting to put one in the shower but I want to stay as close to normal as possible so I’ll wait till the rest of humanity catches up.
Clocks keep me in sync with the world. Without clocks, I feel a little lost. Without calendars, I would be completely lost.
For many years, I used to keep several calendars and several planners on my desk for reasons inane. This year, I resolved to be more logical. Now, I just keep one calendar on my desk and one planner.
I like to cross out dates on my calendar—you know for the dates that have gone past. When the day is over, I cross that day out of my calendar. Do I seem like a prisoner counting the days and hours to release date?
There is no release date I look forward to. The reason I cross out dates on my calendar is to conspicuously remind me once the day is over that that day is gone and will never come again. If that day has been unproductive then I have just wasted a day of my life—a day that could have been spent doing something useful, helpful, meaningful.
I guess in some ways, I do have some kind of a release date from which I subconsciously anchor the details of my daily schedule. And that release date would be the day I expire from this life on Earth.
When I was young, I always saw myself as invincible. I was as healthy as a horse. Those days have come and gone. But I have no rancor or regret. I am grateful for the many chances that God gives me to redeem myself and reclaim my life.
I have never been more aware of my mortality than in the last five years of my life. And this awareness has taken me to places I never knew existed. It has given me the courage to try new things. It has given me the boldness to explore new ideas. Most of all, it has given me the inspiration to live my life well no matter what the odds.
Time has always been important to me. But it takes greater meaning after 40 and acceptance of mortality. The clock and the calendar keep me grounded. They remind me that life is precious. It should not be taken for granted. Life is fleeting. You have to make every second count. Life is short. It should be lived.
