Thursday, December 28, 2006 Talk Back: An American in Cebu By Matt Denman
I’M one of those “white guys” you see around Cebu City with a younger Filipina wife. I live in Cebu now and have set up a home here rather than going back to the US with a fiancé.
After reading a few opinion pieces about “mail order brides,” I developed the desire to respond.
I was married to my first wife in the States for 10 years and I was the one who initiated the divorce. My ex-wife was overbearing and constantly vied to get the “head of household” position.
By the time I left my wife I was already treated like I was one of one of the kids. At that time, I didn’t know anything about the Philippines or “mail order brides” and didn’t have any intentions of marrying a younger woman.
After living on my own, I did a lot of soul searching and read about masculinity, relationships, feminism and Christian based marriages. I also dated women in the same age bracket as myself, which was always a disaster.
After learning about the way Eastern woman were described as being more traditional, I started doing a research on the Philippines. I own a small software developing firm and thought about doing business in the Philippines, too.
I met a software developer from Cebu online and arranged to go here for a few weeks. I also joined FilipinaHeart.com, an online dating service.
When I arrived, I was stunned at the difference between America and the Philippines. I traveled to the provinces, met locals and some software developers.
By the end of my visit my entire outlook on the Philippines had changed. I had fallen in love with the place. I knew Cebu would become my next home.
I went back to the States and started making arrangements to move to Cebu. I also had an online relationship with the woman who eventually became my wife.
At 22, she was 16 years younger than me. Compared with a 22-year-old in the States, she was wiser and more responsible. I had never met a woman like her in the States before.
She didn’t have the kind of relationship baggage that the woman I dated in the States had. She was very beautiful. She was a virgin, and yes, she was submissive.
To top it off, she was also a working nurse capable of getting a visa on her own, so that relieved any worries of my being used for the wrong reasons.
Through all of these, I began to realize that the entire issue of older men coming to the Philippines to meet young Filipinas cannot be described or understood easily. And there are many different reasons why western men come here.
Cebu fits me well and every day I am here I feel more relaxed and more at home. For sure, Cebu has its problems, but for me it’s a great place to call home.
My life here is so much different than it was back in the States. I’m freer here and experience less stress.
Since the day I read that first article about the Philippines, I have felt almost directed to this point in my life now.
