Saturday, February 10, 2007 Sayson: Bitter, not sweet, 16 By Homer Sayson Secondovertime
CHICAGO - Back in the 80s, I despised everything about Boston basketball. I hated the Celtics, hated the clover leaf, too. And for ripping my heart many times, I harbored criminal thoughts on Larry Bird, one of the greatest players to ever walk this planet.
My disdain toward the Celtics was exceeded only by my deepest devotion to the purple-and-gold. Gosh, I loved those Showtime Lakers.
Magic Johnson was poetry with a blind pass. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was efficiency in goggles, excellence with a sky hook.
And James Worthy, another goggled wonder, was the ultimate finisher; faster than a tornado, tougher than cheap leather.
I was never a gifted dancer. I’m stiff as a statue and I shimmy shake like a drunk seal. But when the Celtics lost to the Lakers in the 1985 and 1987 NBA Finals, I recall gyrating my hips with the electricity of an Elvis Presley.
When Bird retired last August 18, 1992, my dislike for the Celtics also retired. Rooting against them got old, and continuing to relish in their misery didn’t seem right as I’ve grown and realized that all this was just a game.
Without Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish, I knew that the Celtics, the winningiest franchise in the NBA with 16 championships, will never be the same again. But no one knew it could get this bad.
The current Celtics had just lost 16 in a row. Watching them gives me the urge to kneel down in prayer. They look so deprived and diminished. They look lost, confused, decelerated. Wasn’t 16 supposed to be sweet? Wasn’t 16 supposed to be fun?
Wasn’t 16 supposed to be a time of awakening, a journey of joy and personal discovery? Bitter is what 16 is for these Celtics.
Because 16 is the unpropitious measure of their futility. And with Paul Pierce unable to play for 24 games and counting, not even the faintest flicker of light looms at the end of this dark tunnel.
To know how awful these Celtics are, take a look. They have a 12-36 won-lost record. They give up 99.9 points per game and allow foes to shoot 46.1 percent from the field. They lose in every statistical category except 3-point shooting and free-throw accuracy. They commit more fouls per game than their opponents, 24.4 to 21.5. And they turn the ball over at an alarming 16.5 rate.
Delonte West, Rajun Rondo, Al Jefferson, Ryan Gomes and Kendrick Perkins are the Celtics’ starting five. I’m not kidding. I didn’t just pluck these names from the obituaries page of the Boston Globe.
The Celtics starters average only a combined 46.3 points per game. None of them norms more than 14 a contest. In contrast, the Suns’ starting unit average a combined 82.6 per. Leandro Barbosa averages 16.6 a game, and he comes off the bench.
None of the Celtics starters has been in the league longer than four years, with Perkins the most senior as a three-year pro.
Their combined NBA experience is only eight years, six less than Shaquille O’Neal’s 14. I’ve always liked Doc Rivers. He coaches with the passion of a former NBA player. And he teaches with the compassion of a 45-year old father. There is absolutely no joy in watching this 16-game misery occur under his regime. “It never rains down in Africa” a song once cried.
Well, that couldn’t be said Boston, where it’s pouring right now. The only problem is, at 16 games and counting, this Celtic rain doesn’t seem to wanna stop.
POSTSCRIPT. The name Dr. Adhara Anne Aubrey Cornelio stumbled into my Friendster account the other day. After viewing her profile and slide show, I felt extremely proud and happy that a gorgeously beautiful young dentist would want to be a part of my circle of pals. I later found out that it was all a mistake. It was disheartening, to say the least. Dr. Aubrey is sooo pretty I would have let her extract my molars with a pair of bloody pliers and no anesthesia. Yikes!
And finally, my greetings to Mr. Eliseo Caballero of Minglanilla, a huge fan of this column and my radio segment at dyAB. Mr. Caballero is the dad of famous pediatrician, Dr. Sheila Caballero-Rubia, the lovely bride of my dear college friend, lawyer Marshall Rubia of the Talisay City prosecutor’s office.
