Saturday, March 17, 2007 Libre: Disciplining one’s children By Mel Libre Seriously Now
IN one of the summer vacations I had in Toledo City in the late ‘60s, I accidentally broke the glass of the book cabinet of my grandfather, Angel Libre, Sr. Before my grandmother Hipolita Rafols-Libre found out about the incident, I hid in the old foxhole at the back of the house.
Later, I got a scolding from Lola Lingling, but my uncle was more agitated upon learning that grandma had to look for me for nearly an hour in the neighborhood before finding me in my hiding place. What happened next long remained in my mind: he tied me for four hours using a dog chain even as I cried my heart out.
I must have been a mischievous kid in elementary school because I got the distinction of being placed by a male teacher on top of a cabinet holding a feather duster while the class laughed. I met the teacher many times later and reminded him once about that incident, although I told it like a joke.
My father, Angel Jr., was a disciplinarian, and I had my share of spanking like the rest of the siblings. One unforgettable instance was when my elder brother, Angel III and I spent time without permission in a neighbor’s house at past 6 p.m. The pain of the spanking has long been gone but I shake my head when I recall the incident.
I am writing about this because I will touch on the delicate matter of disciplining one’s children. Most parents and guardians are not trained in parenting and thus either imitate their parents or use common sense in dealing with naughty children.
As a father of three children, I refrain from spanking. I take the hand of the erring child, slightly slap it while saying, “I am doing this because I love you,” and issue a stern warning for the child not to commit the same offence.
In First World countries, protection of children is given utmost importance that laws penalize parents who go beyond tolerable limits. Some of these laws are specific and commission of any of the acts may allow the police to arrest the suspect-parent.
One of the earliest anti-smacking laws was adopted by Sweden in 1979. A study on its effect by lawyer Ruby Harrold-Claesson revealed among others:
“1).…(The) law on the abolition of the physical punishment of children has resulted in hundreds of normal parents being harassed by the police and social authorities, prosecuted, sentenced and criminalized, because they have smacked their children for bad behavior;
“2) While having the appearance of being altruistic and humanitarian, the (anti-smacking) law has led to unwarranted interference in private and family life, and has caused serious damage to the relationship between parents and their children, to the detriment of the family;
“3) Parents are afraid of their children and dare not correct them for fear of being reported to the police, indicted and fined or sent to prison.”
It is good that in the Philippines there is the Child and Youth Welfare Code that provides: “Parents have the right to discipline the child as may be necessary for the formation of his good character, and may therefore require from him obedience to just and reasonable rules, suggestions and admonitions.” (Art. 45)
That nobody has tried to seriously seek changes of the law only means that Filipinos find it most effective to give parents breathing space in disciplining their children.
While punishment is effective as a tool for parents to discipline their children so that they may become responsible adults, it must be exercised with moderation. Maybe, there should be parenting subjects in high school and college for parents to know how to relate with and discipline their growing children.
I would say that my uncle, may his soul rest in peace, and my school teacher went overboard but I can forgive them for they were of a different generation. In these modern times, those punishments are unacceptable.
