Saturday, June 30, 2007 Controversial spaghetti By Ober Khok
Al dente, to the bite, firm and just right. That’s how a chef wants to present his spaghetti noodles to his customers.
Making the sauce is an art that has no taboo attached to it. You can wear your swimsuit as you stir fry the ground meat, although the skimpy attire will not offer much protection from oil splatters.
Eating a plate of spaghetti seems like a simple process, but on closer view, it is an art full of controversy.
You wouldn’t think that etiquette would put its index finger into the pot of noodles, would you? Seriously, the simple act of putting the noodles into your mouth is bound by etiquette.
An online etiquette teacher approves of spoons, but only to help you wind the pasta onto the fork. That means you can’t use the spoon to shovel pasta into your mouth.
The teacher sounds dead serious: “Twirl the pasta with a fork either by rolling it around in the spoon or just use the fork alone, keeping the fork tip in contact with the plate.”
Gee, this sure removes the fun from eating my favorite meatball number.
The guru continues to say that some masters of table manners consider the spoon a dreadful implement and “using a spoon is frowned upon in Italy.”
Am I glad I am in a busy fast food restaurant in uptown Cebu City with cousin Roy.
I’ve seen doting mothers make the noodles more manageable for their little ones by cutting the strands into small bite-size pieces. Dear Mommies, please refrain from such an uncouth act. Etiquette considers this improper.
I really like opening my mouth wide, like a crocodile, to receive the noodles. Oops, this is a deadly sin, too.
Another spaghetti expert totally frowns on spoons and knives. Sotto voce, the expert says: “Neither is permitted. Only a fork.”
At the rate the instructions go, I think spaghetti will cease becoming a comfort food for me.
The teacher says: “The rolling operation must be done with the fork on the curve of the wide, deep bowl (piatto fondo) in which it is served.”
So, there is a piatto fondo. How come one restaurant serves its spaghetti in flat plates? Just guessing—they run out of piatto fondos?
The manual continues: “It must be a wide bowl, like a shallow soup bowl with a shallow rim against which the prongs of the fork are held while rolling in a clockwise motion (counter-clockwise for left-handers so as not to splatter the sauce on yourself).”
Dear cousin Roy, did the guy say counter-clockwise? I don’t even know my right foot from my left, my hat from my glove, and now this etiquette teacher wants me to do a clockwise motion. How will I ever eat my spaghetti again without thinking first?
But, let’s go on: “Work with the right hand against the left side of the plate and vice versa for left-handers. Now, free a little space at the side of the bowl, heaping the spaghetti toward the center.”
I never thought that eating spaghetti needed some brains or at least some skill in map directions.
This next one says: “Now take the spaghetti, not too much or too little and do not cut it. Spaghetti is sold in the right size, neither too long nor too short. It should be about 10 inches long. However, if it is longer, it does not matter, it will still roll around your fork.”
Let me get my ruler.
The final point hits me in my solar plexus: “Slurping pasta is the only method that is never proper.”
All along, I thought this was the best way to eat spaghetti. I remember as kids, Roy and I would slurp spaghetti, letting the noodles flip over our noses, with the sauce all over our faces and shirts.
With my tree of knowledge about spaghetti, the dish will never be the same. Am just glad I haven’t eaten from the tree of life.
