Sunday, July 08, 2007 Singlestalk: Why men? By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares Singlestalk
M: History’s greatest minds¾philosophers, scientists, explorers and writers¾were men. But surprisingly, men often show little interest in matters that matter most¾women and what’s important to us. Many fights and lover’s quarrels are caused by a guy’s insensitive nature or lack of attentiveness.
Women are, by nature, attentive to detail, remember special occasions like anniversaries, monthsaries, etc. and hold these events dear, whereas men are prone to forget birthdays, anniversaries and sometimes pick out the strangest gifts to give to their partner/significant others, much to their dismay.
D: Every man alive today suffers from the same bout of uncertainty every once in a while. During pre-democratic civilizations, men exercised less personal freedom but lost no sleep over most of their life choices. Men were either royalty and they ate grapes, or were commoners and they shoveled royal manure. Today we get to paint our own social portraits from the palette of modern democracy. And this pressure often forces us to focus and sometimes miss out to take notice of or praise a girlfriend’s recent procedure of facial reconstruction.
M: If you say being busy is a reason to be inattentive or insensitive, I think that condition only afflicts men! Women too are busy¾with pressures from our work or professions, home and families, involvement in civic organizations, community and church activities¾not to mention our social calendars. We juggle different roles and are expected to do well in all of them.
Coming home from work, women have to prepare the family’s meals (she’s lucky if she has a maid or cook to do that for her), make sure the kids do their homework, put them to bed, and then are supposed to spend quality time with the husband.
D: While women are often stereotyped as homemakers, men are also stereotyped as providers. We are expected to put food on the table and to finance household expenses. The quality and quantity of work we do directly determines the general state of our well-being. Hanging out with our friends who are also in the same position as we are or spending some quiet moments as we stare down the abyss of what may be the rest of our lives are at times our ways of coping.
M: Unfortunately, women sometimes provoke guilt in men and make them responsible for the situation in society as a whole.
Men find this unreasonable and become all the more indifferent. During conversations with guy friends, I see a glazed look in their eyes if topics stray away from sports, cars, gadgets and business. It’s good that men work hard and value work, but they sometimes fail to appreciate who they’re working so hard for ¾wives, child/children, mothers, sisters, or girlfriends (to save up for that dream wedding complete with band, fireworks, and a honeymoon trip to some exotic destination).
D: Truly, it is a fortunate man who finds peace of mind at work and those fortunate few who have managed to be within an industry that allows daylight smiles and tranquil sleep. But most of our species are plowing the field or are playing along with the bureaucratic rules imposed upon realities by a so-called civilized world. And we don’t always have every option to quit without having to think of the future. So, if your boyfriend is not as attentive as you would have hoped him to be, or if he tends to be too cool when you’re together, it’s his way of taking a break. Man can’t live by bread alone. Try to look at the brighter side of things. At least he’s not unemployed, a lazy bum, a good-for-nothing alcoholic or drug addict or worse, all of the above!
