Sunday, August 19, 2007 Moises and Palmares: Why can’t it be? By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares Singles talk
MICHELLE: Why can’t it be? Why can’t it be the two of us? Why can’t we be lovers, only friends. Now before any of you (yes, including you, DJ) raise your eyebrows; and lest someone tell Francis that I’m wishing for some other guy, let me tell you that I’m just quoting a line from a love song (the title escapes me now but I think it’s – Why can’t it be?), which I believe is kind of sad. Yearning that things are different between you and your friend, wishing that both of you were in different circumstances—like being in love instead of being just friends—is not a very comfortable condition to be in. In cases like these, either the one in love with the friend or the friend who thinks that they should just be friends is such in a bind. What a dilemma it must be when things can’t be what you want them to be.
DJ: Hello, Mic, greetings from Chicago! Lovers eventually like to become the best of friends. And at times it’s quite strange why a couple can't date when, in fact, they are already friends. It’s cooler to be just friends. The conversion is more fluid. Less editing and more room for truth. The relationship is also more spontaneous. Nothing to expect, but with a lot to give. Who wants to have a charming venue, refined ambiance, crisp weather but a moody fiancée? Some couples are just better off as friends than lovers. On the other hand, there are also those who are trapped in a friendly relationship. They are both doing nothing. They are just wasting precious years of their lives waiting for the ice to defrost. The catch is they’re both in the North Pole. And there is no solution in the near future other than global warming!
M: You mentioned that lovers eventually like to become the best of friends. That is ideal. What happens more often than not is when lovers are no longer together and no longer lovers, they eventually do not end up the best of friends. Worse, they end up being the best of enemies. But it’s strange as you said why a couple can’t date when they’re already friends. Sometimes, it’s hard crossovering from being purely a friend to becoming a boyfriend or girlfriend. There is always the hesitation to change the state of one’s relationship from friendly to romantic when there are doubts about the other person’s feelings towards you. Some friends do end up as lovers. But most lovers don’t end up as friends. And yes, what a waste of time if you’re both trapped in a friendly relationship, waiting in vain when you both want to move it forward, but never do so for fear of risking one’s heart.
DJ: A good discernment is the first step. When one thinks there really is a potential to put some romance into the friendship, then why not? We only have one life to live. Why waste it over the what-ifs and the could-have-beens? If the question is one isn’t sure, check your age. Isn’t it not enough that you can’t find any of her criminal record at the police blotter? If it’s stability, we never are stable enough. As long as one has a job, things will take care of itself. Besides, there really is no need to plant a sparkling rock on her finger as a sign of your undying indebtedness to the local "five-six." But after sharing your bed with insomnia for months and realizing that it’s really just a platonic relationship, why change it? There is no point in slashing your friend’s face with the sharp edges of what could have been an engagement ring, if there really is nothing more to it than being friends.
M: Hmm…I have a feeling that you had at one time or another grappled with feelings for a friend and nothing happened or something happened, but you didn’t like what happened. But that’s just my feeling! Seriously, it’s easy for some to say just do it or go for it: declare your feelings and tell your friend that you think you should be more than friends. But to actually do it? I think that’s very hard to do. Rejection sucks and there’s always the apprehension that you might no longer be friends after your declaration of love. After years of discernment or months of insomnia, I think one should just decide to do something about the situation. To stay on a standstill is a certain form of death. And sleepless nights can not only cause serious damage to your eye bags, but also to your general health and well-being.
DJ: I am a firm believer of making decisions without being necessarily attached to a desired outcome. But this does not mean one will just have to gather moss waiting for something to make things move. Because they won’t, if we choose not to do anything. My point is if things are meant to be, there is usually no need to pay a younger brother to keep his mouth shut, or place your best friends on heavy sedation. There will still be some challenges but things generally go off just fine without requiring any visits to the emergency room. The key I believe is to be real with the person that we are. Some people live through a relationship without even having the desire to be in one but for the sake of having a relationship. There are also those who potentially have a good relationship but are not making the move because of fear. Intra Inte Ipsum. Look within. The world cannot give us the answer. The answer usually is within us. Wink!
